This post isnt going to be as morbid as the title suggests :) See! Smiley face :)
So I really was thinking about LIFE and TTC. Creating life is so frikkin amazing!
Less then a week ago I was at work and I had a particular patient who was palliative and we will call her Lucy. And for those who don't know.... it basically means she was dying. To paint a picture of what the past few years has been like; I first met her in 2009. She has end stage dementia, not mobile, not verbal, confused, delirious but she was very sweet. Harmless, otherwise oddly healthy and she LOVED baby's and boys [if a young man or baby came around she would perk right up, she even pinched a few butts lol]. So it's 3ish years later and I walk into her room. She's laying in her bed, extremely frail, extremely pale. Her lips are barely parted and her eyes open just a crack. I lower myself close to her bed and i call her name quietly. She doesn't move, she doesn't blink, her eyes don't turn my way, she doesn't even inhale. I called her again.... nothing..... and again. I stood there for 30-40 seconds - and they felt like the longest seconds I have ever felt. Waiting for someone to breath, move, show any signs of life seems like an eternity. As I was looking at Lucy I was thinking how f*cked up it was if she were to be dead and i knew that if she was that there was nothing i was allowed to do [she was a do not resuscitate]. With the back of my hand i lightly touched the back of her hand and she took the tinyest breath you have ever seen. *Whew* a sigh of relief... I took her vitals, covered her back up and left the room. She kept experiencing that apnea or episodes of not breathing but Luc didn't die while i was there. That evening after my shift she was finally put to rest and stopped breathing for real. I'm sure it came with a lot waiting like i experienced. I cant even explain how it feels to watch someone not breathe. Sit and think that after 30 seconds that maybe shes not going to take another breath "this" time. The last time i took her vitals that night, i talked to her regardless of the fact that she didn't respond or reply. I told her how my baby had been in just prior to that and asked if she remembers meeting him. She was a magnificent women full of life in her day who was overcome with Alzheimer's. I didn't know her in the days she would wonder, dance and go through everything people typically go through when they have that disease. Ill always remember her as the women who would laugh at everything i said, even if it wasn't funny, or whose eyes would light up every time Dancing with the Stars came on [she was a dance teacher in her day].
Life is so precious.... I can actually say that I've given someone their first bath.... and Ive given someone their last bath..... Lucy's death came with sadness but I am forever grateful that I could play a part in the last part of her life. These are the feelings that I know make me into a great mom. I so very much want to continue to share these types of feeling. Death doesn't have to be a bad and scary thing... everyone is going to experience it at sometime. In a wierd way the end of life is an amazing experience as well. I believe that everyone also has the right to experience the making of life as well....
These are just thoughts.... ramblings and such. I really, really hope that birth is my next experience <3 <3
Thursday, 26 July 2012
Wednesday, 25 July 2012
Well over due blog!
I have been MIA - here are my excuses
1- my mom had a baby via adoption so i went to help her out for several days
2- started new job
3- night shift threw off my sleep schedule
4- nothing happening TTCwise
5- spending weekends with dh
:)
So heres a quick TTC update
- CD 19
- inputing fake temps gave me an O day of CD 17 - so i guess im 2dpo
- OPKs fail me this month, never had any positives or dark lines in general
My plans this week
- try not to POAS
- wedding weekend after this weekend
- tanning
- working 3 - 12 h shifts :(
Will do a more in depth update soon :)
Till then visit my vlog:
**TTC giveaway coming up soon!!!! waiting for 50 subscribers on Youtube!!!! :)
1- my mom had a baby via adoption so i went to help her out for several days
2- started new job
3- night shift threw off my sleep schedule
4- nothing happening TTCwise
5- spending weekends with dh
:)
So heres a quick TTC update
- CD 19
- inputing fake temps gave me an O day of CD 17 - so i guess im 2dpo
- OPKs fail me this month, never had any positives or dark lines in general
My plans this week
- try not to POAS
- wedding weekend after this weekend
- tanning
- working 3 - 12 h shifts :(
Will do a more in depth update soon :)
Till then visit my vlog:
**TTC giveaway coming up soon!!!! waiting for 50 subscribers on Youtube!!!! :)
Monday, 9 July 2012
TTC Update on Cycle 6!
AHHHH I hate roller coaster cycles. That's what I had to put it nicely.
It started by not Oing when i should, which caused a mess up of BH timing. I wasted a lot of materials based on probable ovulation. I finally Id on CD 25! THEN while in the 2ww wait i did some HPTs and got this:
Which confused the hell out of me because it "looks" like a possible 2nd line. I started a log for my regular schedule and other TTC type stuff.
**ALSO in the 2ww I became engaged!!!! I must mention this part :) I went to visit my friends for the Canada Day Long Weekend which was also my Birthday. DH proposed by the falls right on my birthday!! Us and 2 friends went for a day trip on June 30th which was a Saturday and this is a summary of events: my BFF and I got matching friendship tattoos, we strolled down Clinton Hill, seen the falls where DH proposed in front of EVERYone!!! I was so shocked i was actually shaking!!! lol. Then we went and had dinner at The Rainforest Cafe! The evening was finished with taking a leisurely ride on the giant Farris wheel! It was one of the best birthdays ever!!! Here's my ring and tattoo ( this is my friends tat but mine is identical and on my shoulder)!
On Canada Day which was the Sunday we went to Toronto Ribfest - was fun, we ate ribs, watched fireworks and took the kids for some fun!! We went home to my BFF and the 4 of us (I should mention that we are 2 couples) played a bunch of drinking games! Drank beer and laughed a lot. Good times!!!
So back to TTC - I had taking many tests, i thought for a split second that maybe i was pregnant! Turns out I'm not and I'm now on CD 3 :/ here is my latest TTC vlog so you can hope over to Youtube and view that:
****Side note: I will be doing a TTC giveaway at 100 subscribers!!!! I only have about 12 now so It will be a little while but lets get me up to 100!!***
That brings us into Cycle 7!!!! I'm not sad or shocked since I know I was way off with O. Lets all hope for a normal cycle this month!!!! LUCKY 7!!!!!!
It started by not Oing when i should, which caused a mess up of BH timing. I wasted a lot of materials based on probable ovulation. I finally Id on CD 25! THEN while in the 2ww wait i did some HPTs and got this:
Which confused the hell out of me because it "looks" like a possible 2nd line. I started a log for my regular schedule and other TTC type stuff.
**ALSO in the 2ww I became engaged!!!! I must mention this part :) I went to visit my friends for the Canada Day Long Weekend which was also my Birthday. DH proposed by the falls right on my birthday!! Us and 2 friends went for a day trip on June 30th which was a Saturday and this is a summary of events: my BFF and I got matching friendship tattoos, we strolled down Clinton Hill, seen the falls where DH proposed in front of EVERYone!!! I was so shocked i was actually shaking!!! lol. Then we went and had dinner at The Rainforest Cafe! The evening was finished with taking a leisurely ride on the giant Farris wheel! It was one of the best birthdays ever!!! Here's my ring and tattoo ( this is my friends tat but mine is identical and on my shoulder)!
On Canada Day which was the Sunday we went to Toronto Ribfest - was fun, we ate ribs, watched fireworks and took the kids for some fun!! We went home to my BFF and the 4 of us (I should mention that we are 2 couples) played a bunch of drinking games! Drank beer and laughed a lot. Good times!!!
So back to TTC - I had taking many tests, i thought for a split second that maybe i was pregnant! Turns out I'm not and I'm now on CD 3 :/ here is my latest TTC vlog so you can hope over to Youtube and view that:
****Side note: I will be doing a TTC giveaway at 100 subscribers!!!! I only have about 12 now so It will be a little while but lets get me up to 100!!***
That brings us into Cycle 7!!!! I'm not sad or shocked since I know I was way off with O. Lets all hope for a normal cycle this month!!!! LUCKY 7!!!!!!
Wednesday, 27 June 2012
FINALLY
A temp increase has finally happened. I seriously didn't think I'd see the day. I guess I'm technically in the 2ww now however I am a little disappointed. I'm not used to O being so damn late and i didn't time BD with that in mind :( So I'm basically counting myself out for this month now :(
My chart is a mess... I did the ol add 2 fake temps in to get cross hairs and Its giving me an O date of CD 25. The last BD session I had was CD 22 and is very unlikely to happen for us :(
So this puts me into cycle 7 of TTC :( I am beginning to wonder when and if this will ever happen for us :(Tuesday, 26 June 2012
REVIEWS: Pre-seed and Softcups!
As always i MUST talk about some new TTC products that Ive been using! This week Ive chosen the Instead Soft Cups and Pre-seed
Where to buy these Products
I bought both of these products with a credit card via the Early-Pregnancy-Test website. I chose this site in particular because I have purchased other products from them and have come to love/trust the site. There are many other places you can get both products such as amazon, etc... Your local adult store might even have the pre-seed!
Costs
I bought these two products in the same shipment. Right now on early-pregnancy-tests.com you can get the pre-seed with applicators with 2 free pregnancy tests! Thats what i chose and this deal can be found here. Shipping is free on orders over $14.99 and $2.99 for orders otherwise.
Soft-cups (6pack)- $6.99
Pre-seed w/ 9 applicators and 2 free pregnancy tests - $19.99
Pre-seed - $19.99
Since i bought both items my shipping was free! The total cost i paid was $28.49
What you receive
My package took about a week to get here. I am in Canada and this order is from a USA company. International orders take longer due to customs etc. When i received my package it was in a plain brown box with discrete labeling (the return address simple says "Online Store").
Inside was 1 order of pre-seed, 1 order of soft-cups 6pack, 2 pregnancy tests, an instruction sheet on the hcg tests, brochures: on other fertility products, receipt/summary of order, and a special gift: a cute collectors tattoo {apparently they come out with a new one on a monthly basis}
Oh what can I say about this product :) I think a smily face suits! As the label states "Seriously fun babymaking".
Details on Pre-seed
For those who don't know Pre-seed as a personal lubricant that is safe for use when trying to conceive. It has an Isotonic properties which match that of fertile CM. The pack comes with a 1.4oz tube of the products and 9 disposable applicators. The applicators themselves have number notches so that you can chose your own amounts. Pre-seed aids in the transfer of sperm to the cervix and into the uterus. Pre-seed can be especially helpful to women who experience more dryness then others or who do not have good quality CM however anyone can use it.
Using the product
Lets be honest, theres nothing more awkward then getting in the BD mood then suddenly stop and be like "Just wait hunny i need to pull out the lube!" which is why i strongly suggest having the applicator drawn up and ready to go. However! Please read all directions prior to use. They clearly state that the product must be used within 30 mins of being drawn up! So heres some simple steps
1) Clean hands!
2) The applicator will connect to the tube and may be turned into place
3) Draw up disired amount of pre-seed using the numbers provided
4) Insert applicator into the vagina and slowly deposit pre-seed
5) BD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Findings
The product was easy to use with little mess. I did have one mishap where i accidentally pushed the applicator before i had it "in" which was unfortunate for my bed sheets. The product made BDing very FUN {i lack the words to accurately describe this feeling without sounding like a total perv} LMAO This is my first cycle using pre-seed so I can not say if this helped with conception or not but there are some rave reviews over at the early-pregnancy-tests.com website
Details on the product
Soft Cups was originally designed as an alternative to tampons and pads for menstrual bleeding and you can find more on the use of softcups for periods right here. The pack I got had 6 soft cups which come individually wrapped. Each cups is individually wrapped, disposible, flexible, and body friendly. In the use of TTC softcups is inserted into the vagina and sits over the cervix after intercourse and hold the sperm close! It can be worn for up to 12 hours at a time.
Using Softcups
When i first do this product i was scared by the size and texture of the softcup. It looks HUGE and i couldnt fathom putting that in. When it came time to use the softcup i was extremely surprised but the results. It actually went it super easy and i felt nothing. Once inside softcups can not be felt at all. Here are some simple steps
*wash your hand and easiest if your sitting upright with legs apart*
1) Squeeze the opposite sided of the ring together
2) Insert into the vagina in a back and down direction
3) The cup mold to the individuals shape and should sit right behind the public bone
4) to remove just hook your finger under the rim and pull out slowly {i find this easier to do if you bare down slightly}
I also must note that the softcup was super easily inserted with the use of pre-seed! The extra lubrication makes for a more slippery environment!
Findings
Super easy to put in and take out. I could walk around and not worry about the "sperm" coming out. When i took the soft cup out you will see sperm in the cups (not a pretty sight) so be alert to that. It can be messy if you don't take the product out slowly and carefully. Weither or not soft cups worked for me as far as conception is something only time can tell.
To get a better look at what these products look like head over to my Youtube page and a short video is available.
My final thoughts
I would definitely recommend these products. They were easy to use and have a good theory behind them and area backed up very well with tons of supporting research
PROS
Pre-seed
Softcups
CONS
Pre-seed
Softcups
Cons
- i needed the tests prior to the day i got them - however i am international and should have ordered sooner
- no options for package tracking (and if you were a spaz like me you'd probably check every day!
- credit card needed for orders
- must test several times to get a clear picture - this is a con of ALL OPKs not just this sites
Where to buy these Products
I bought both of these products with a credit card via the Early-Pregnancy-Test website. I chose this site in particular because I have purchased other products from them and have come to love/trust the site. There are many other places you can get both products such as amazon, etc... Your local adult store might even have the pre-seed!
Costs
I bought these two products in the same shipment. Right now on early-pregnancy-tests.com you can get the pre-seed with applicators with 2 free pregnancy tests! Thats what i chose and this deal can be found here. Shipping is free on orders over $14.99 and $2.99 for orders otherwise.
Soft-cups (6pack)- $6.99
Pre-seed w/ 9 applicators and 2 free pregnancy tests - $19.99
Pre-seed - $19.99
Since i bought both items my shipping was free! The total cost i paid was $28.49
What you receive
My package took about a week to get here. I am in Canada and this order is from a USA company. International orders take longer due to customs etc. When i received my package it was in a plain brown box with discrete labeling (the return address simple says "Online Store").
Inside was 1 order of pre-seed, 1 order of soft-cups 6pack, 2 pregnancy tests, an instruction sheet on the hcg tests, brochures: on other fertility products, receipt/summary of order, and a special gift: a cute collectors tattoo {apparently they come out with a new one on a monthly basis}
Pre-seed
Oh what can I say about this product :) I think a smily face suits! As the label states "Seriously fun babymaking".
Details on Pre-seed
For those who don't know Pre-seed as a personal lubricant that is safe for use when trying to conceive. It has an Isotonic properties which match that of fertile CM. The pack comes with a 1.4oz tube of the products and 9 disposable applicators. The applicators themselves have number notches so that you can chose your own amounts. Pre-seed aids in the transfer of sperm to the cervix and into the uterus. Pre-seed can be especially helpful to women who experience more dryness then others or who do not have good quality CM however anyone can use it.
[lol blogger messed my pic up and i cant fix it]
Using the product
Lets be honest, theres nothing more awkward then getting in the BD mood then suddenly stop and be like "Just wait hunny i need to pull out the lube!" which is why i strongly suggest having the applicator drawn up and ready to go. However! Please read all directions prior to use. They clearly state that the product must be used within 30 mins of being drawn up! So heres some simple steps
1) Clean hands!
2) The applicator will connect to the tube and may be turned into place
3) Draw up disired amount of pre-seed using the numbers provided
4) Insert applicator into the vagina and slowly deposit pre-seed
5) BD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Findings
The product was easy to use with little mess. I did have one mishap where i accidentally pushed the applicator before i had it "in" which was unfortunate for my bed sheets. The product made BDing very FUN {i lack the words to accurately describe this feeling without sounding like a total perv} LMAO This is my first cycle using pre-seed so I can not say if this helped with conception or not but there are some rave reviews over at the early-pregnancy-tests.com website
SOFT CUPS
Details on the product
Soft Cups was originally designed as an alternative to tampons and pads for menstrual bleeding and you can find more on the use of softcups for periods right here. The pack I got had 6 soft cups which come individually wrapped. Each cups is individually wrapped, disposible, flexible, and body friendly. In the use of TTC softcups is inserted into the vagina and sits over the cervix after intercourse and hold the sperm close! It can be worn for up to 12 hours at a time.
Using Softcups
When i first do this product i was scared by the size and texture of the softcup. It looks HUGE and i couldnt fathom putting that in. When it came time to use the softcup i was extremely surprised but the results. It actually went it super easy and i felt nothing. Once inside softcups can not be felt at all. Here are some simple steps
*wash your hand and easiest if your sitting upright with legs apart*
1) Squeeze the opposite sided of the ring together
2) Insert into the vagina in a back and down direction
3) The cup mold to the individuals shape and should sit right behind the public bone
4) to remove just hook your finger under the rim and pull out slowly {i find this easier to do if you bare down slightly}
I also must note that the softcup was super easily inserted with the use of pre-seed! The extra lubrication makes for a more slippery environment!
Findings
Super easy to put in and take out. I could walk around and not worry about the "sperm" coming out. When i took the soft cup out you will see sperm in the cups (not a pretty sight) so be alert to that. It can be messy if you don't take the product out slowly and carefully. Weither or not soft cups worked for me as far as conception is something only time can tell.
To get a better look at what these products look like head over to my Youtube page and a short video is available.
My final thoughts
I would definitely recommend these products. They were easy to use and have a good theory behind them and area backed up very well with tons of supporting research
PROS
Pre-seed
- easy to use
- applicators provided
- fun!
- multi-use tube
- similar to CM
- free shipping from ear-pregnancy-tests.com
Softcups
- easy to insert and remove
- clear directions
- unable to feel
- can be worn for 12 hours
- can walk around with it
- individually wrapped
- safe for your body
- can also be used for periods
- inexpensive
CONS
Pre-seed
- tube is small for $19.99
- hard to find in stores
- applicators are wrapped in groups of 3
Softcups
- looks intimidating
- not pleasent looking upon removal
- messy only if not pulled out correctly
- must pay shipping if bought alone
Cons
- i needed the tests prior to the day i got them - however i am international and should have ordered sooner
- no options for package tracking (and if you were a spaz like me you'd probably check every day!
- credit card needed for orders
- must test several times to get a clear picture - this is a con of ALL OPKs not just this sites
STAY TUNED TO SEE IF I BECOME PREGNANT USING THESE PRODUCTS :)
** info taking through my experience using the Early-Pregnancy-Tests.com
products via their website and info packages included with the
product**
**personal experiences from my own views only and should be seen
strictly as personal opinion. I can not speak for anyone else using
these products**
Links
QUICKY - up date that is!
I AM STILL IN LIMBO!!!
CD 24 - low temps!!! I have no idea whats going on :( here are my opks so far...
I hurt my back on Friday :( I still had a fairly active weekend but it reached a peak yesterday. I went to the Dr and was started on 3 meds :( I can move about better today however i had to miss my first day of work and that sux!
CD 24 - low temps!!! I have no idea whats going on :( here are my opks so far...
I hurt my back on Friday :( I still had a fairly active weekend but it reached a peak yesterday. I went to the Dr and was started on 3 meds :( I can move about better today however i had to miss my first day of work and that sux!
OHHHH mystery package arrived this weekend.... I wonder what could be inside....
- stay tuned to see what it was!!!!
Thursday, 21 June 2012
New FB Update
Created a new FB page...come over and friend me by clicking here
- - a small update, temps still low today :( its CD 20 and I have no clue whats going on :( I should be 3dpo and testing in a week but not sure what to do now :(
- - a small update, temps still low today :( its CD 20 and I have no clue whats going on :( I should be 3dpo and testing in a week but not sure what to do now :(
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