Sunday 19 August 2012

VEDA Week 2!

My VEDA week 2 video is now up on YouTube and is in need of more views!!!  Please visit me there :)   Dont forget to enter the giveaway!!!


Thursday 9 August 2012

Update, VEDA and Giveaways!

Hello Everyone!!  Going to keep it short and sweet.  I have been sooooo busy with the VEDA project.  Veda is Video Every Day in August!! I will post a link to my first VEDA video!!



PLEASE PLEASE click this link to view it as opposed to watching it in blogger, only because i need views on this video!!  Thank you very much for your support!!!


A quick TTC update
- last cycle was only 26 days
- unusually light AF x2 months
- short Luteal Phase of 9-10 days x2months
- currently on CD8
- started on some new herbal supps to help my short LP
- i began temping yesterday but forgot to today :( opps

Life Update
- tried on wedding dresses this week :)
- decided on a wedding venue
- working full time hours despite my oncall status
- every weekend in august is filling up real fast!

So thats it for today, VEDA takes up a lot of time - editing plus watching and supporting other VEDAs so to see whats up please visit my Youtube channel!

Giveaways:
I have 2 upcoming giveaways

- if you watched my 1st VEDA you will see i said i have a surprise however my blog readers get the inside edge :) there will be a giveaway mid month (at end of this week) and will be a giveaway for ALL

- at 30 subscribers i will have another giveaway which will be TTC related :)

So watch out for those in the near future!  I will also have a new review up soon related to Short Luteal Phases and what to do about them!

And now i leave you with a pic :)


Thursday 26 July 2012

Birth, Life and Death

This post isnt going to be as morbid as the title suggests :) See! Smiley face :)

So I really was thinking about LIFE and TTC.  Creating life is so frikkin amazing!

Less then a week ago I was at work and I had a particular patient who was palliative and we will call her Lucy.  And for those who don't know.... it basically means she was dying.   To paint a picture of what the past few years has been like; I first met her in 2009.  She has end stage dementia, not mobile, not verbal, confused, delirious but she was very sweet.  Harmless, otherwise oddly healthy and she LOVED baby's and boys [if a young man or baby came around she would perk right up, she even pinched a few butts lol].  So it's 3ish years later and I walk into her room.  She's laying in her bed, extremely frail, extremely pale.  Her lips are barely parted and her eyes open just a crack. I lower myself close to her bed and i call her name quietly.  She doesn't move, she doesn't blink, her eyes don't turn my way, she doesn't even inhale.  I called her again.... nothing..... and again.  I stood there for 30-40 seconds - and they felt like the longest seconds I have ever felt.  Waiting for someone to breath, move, show any signs of life seems like an eternity.   As I was looking at Lucy I was thinking how f*cked up it was if she were to be dead and i knew that if she was that there was nothing i was allowed to do [she was a do not resuscitate].  With the back of my hand i lightly touched the back of her hand and she took the tinyest breath you have ever seen.  *Whew* a sigh of relief... I took her vitals, covered her back up and left the room.  She kept experiencing that apnea or episodes of not breathing but Luc didn't die while i was there.  That evening after my shift she was finally put to rest and stopped breathing for real.  I'm sure it came with a lot waiting like i experienced.   I cant even explain how it feels to watch someone not breathe.  Sit and think that after 30 seconds that maybe shes not going to take another breath "this" time.  The last time i took her vitals that night, i talked to her regardless of the fact that she didn't respond or reply.  I told her how my baby had been in just prior to that and asked if she remembers meeting him.  She was a magnificent women full of life in her day who was overcome with Alzheimer's.  I didn't know her in the days she would wonder, dance and go through everything people typically go through when they have that disease.  Ill always remember her as the women who would laugh at everything i said, even if it wasn't funny, or whose eyes would light up every time Dancing with the Stars came on [she was a dance teacher in her day].

Life is so precious.... I can actually say that I've given someone their first bath.... and Ive given someone their last bath.....  Lucy's death came with sadness but I am forever grateful that I could play a part in the last part of her life.   These are the feelings that I know make me into a great mom.  I so very much want to continue to share these types of feeling.  Death doesn't have to be a bad and scary thing... everyone is going to experience it at sometime. In a wierd way the end of life is an amazing experience as well. I believe that everyone also has the right to experience the making of life as well....

These are just thoughts.... ramblings and such.  I really, really hope that  birth is my next experience <3 <3

Wednesday 25 July 2012

Well over due blog!

I have been MIA - here are my excuses

1- my mom had a baby via adoption so i went to help her out for several days
2- started new job
3- night shift threw off my sleep schedule
4- nothing happening TTCwise
5- spending weekends with dh

:)

So heres a quick TTC update
- CD 19
- inputing fake temps gave me an O day of CD 17 - so i guess im 2dpo
- OPKs fail me this month, never had any positives or dark lines in general

My plans this week
- try not to POAS
- wedding weekend after this weekend
- tanning
- working 3 - 12 h shifts :(


Will do a more in depth update soon :)
Till then visit my vlog:


**TTC giveaway coming up soon!!!!  waiting for 50 subscribers on Youtube!!!!  :)

Monday 9 July 2012

TTC Update on Cycle 6!

AHHHH I hate roller coaster cycles.   That's what I had to put it nicely.

It started by not Oing when i should, which caused a mess up of BH timing.  I wasted a lot of materials based on probable ovulation.   I finally Id on CD 25!   THEN while in the 2ww wait i did some HPTs and got this:


Which confused the hell out of me because it "looks" like a possible 2nd line.  I started a log for my regular schedule and other TTC type stuff.

**ALSO in the 2ww I became engaged!!!!  I must mention this part :)  I went to visit my friends for the Canada Day Long Weekend which was also my Birthday.   DH proposed by the falls right on my birthday!!  Us and 2 friends went for a day trip on June 30th which was a Saturday and this is a summary of events:  my BFF and I got matching friendship tattoos, we strolled down Clinton Hill, seen the falls where DH proposed in front of EVERYone!!!  I was so shocked i was actually shaking!!!  lol.   Then we went and had dinner at The Rainforest Cafe! The evening was finished with taking a leisurely ride on the giant Farris wheel! It was one of the best birthdays ever!!!  Here's my ring and tattoo ( this is my friends tat but mine is identical and on my shoulder)!

On Canada Day which was the Sunday we went to Toronto Ribfest - was fun, we ate ribs, watched fireworks and took the kids for some fun!!  We went home to my BFF and the 4 of us (I should mention that we are 2 couples) played a bunch of drinking games!  Drank beer and laughed a lot.   Good times!!!


So back to TTC - I had taking many tests, i thought for a split second that maybe i was pregnant!  Turns out I'm not and I'm now on CD 3 :/  here is my latest TTC vlog so you can hope over to Youtube and view that:


****Side note: I will be doing a TTC giveaway at 100 subscribers!!!!  I only have about 12 now so It will be a little while but lets get me up to 100!!***

That brings us into Cycle 7!!!!  I'm not sad or shocked since I know I was way off with O.   Lets all hope for a normal cycle this month!!!!  LUCKY 7!!!!!!

Wednesday 27 June 2012

FINALLY

A temp increase has finally happened. I seriously didn't think I'd see the day. I guess I'm technically in the 2ww now however I am a little disappointed. I'm not used to O being so damn late and i didn't time BD with that in mind :( So I'm basically counting myself out for this month now :( My chart is a mess... I did the ol add 2 fake temps in to get cross hairs and Its giving me an O date of CD 25. The last BD session I had was CD 22 and is very unlikely to happen for us :( So this puts me into cycle 7 of TTC :( I am beginning to wonder when and if this will ever happen for us :(

Tuesday 26 June 2012

REVIEWS: Pre-seed and Softcups!

As always i MUST talk about some new TTC products that Ive been using!  This week Ive chosen the Instead Soft Cups and Pre-seed







Where to buy these Products
I bought both of these products with a credit card via the Early-Pregnancy-Test website. I chose this site in particular because I have purchased other products from them and have come to love/trust the site.  There are many other places you can get both products such as amazon, etc... Your local adult store might even have the pre-seed!

Costs
I bought these two products in the same shipment.   Right now on early-pregnancy-tests.com you can get the pre-seed with applicators with 2 free pregnancy tests!  Thats what i chose and this deal can be found here. Shipping is free on orders over $14.99 and $2.99 for orders otherwise.

Soft-cups (6pack)- $6.99
Pre-seed w/ 9 applicators and 2 free pregnancy tests - $19.99
Pre-seed - $19.99

Since i bought both items my shipping was free!  The total cost i paid was $28.49


What you receive
My package took about a week to get here.  I am in Canada and this order is from a USA company.  International orders take longer due to customs etc. When i received my package it was in a plain brown box with discrete labeling (the return address simple says "Online Store").


Inside was 1 order of pre-seed, 1 order of soft-cups 6pack, 2 pregnancy tests,  an instruction sheet on the hcg tests, brochures: on other fertility products, receipt/summary of order, and a special gift: a cute collectors tattoo {apparently they come out with a new one on a monthly basis}





Pre-seed

Oh what can I say about this product :) I think a smily face suits!  As the label states "Seriously fun babymaking".

Details on Pre-seed

For those who don't know Pre-seed as a personal lubricant that is safe for use when trying to conceive.  It has an Isotonic properties which match that of fertile CM.  The pack comes with a 1.4oz tube of the products and 9 disposable applicators.  The applicators themselves have number notches so that you can chose your own amounts.  Pre-seed aids in the transfer of sperm to the cervix and into the uterus. Pre-seed can be especially helpful to women who experience more dryness then others or who do not have good quality CM however anyone can use it.

[lol blogger messed my pic up and i cant fix it]


Using the product
Lets be honest, theres nothing more awkward then getting in the BD mood then suddenly stop and be like "Just wait hunny i need to pull out the lube!" which is why i strongly suggest having the applicator drawn up and ready to go.  However! Please read all directions prior to use.   They clearly state that the product must be used within 30 mins of being drawn up!  So heres some simple steps

1) Clean hands!
2) The applicator will connect to the tube and may be turned into place
3) Draw up disired amount of pre-seed using the numbers provided
4) Insert applicator into the vagina and slowly deposit pre-seed
5) BD!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Findings
The product was easy to use with little mess.  I did have one mishap where i accidentally pushed the applicator before i had it "in" which was unfortunate for my bed sheets.   The product made BDing very FUN {i lack the words to accurately describe this feeling without sounding like a total perv} LMAO  This is my first cycle using pre-seed so I can not say if this helped with conception or not but there are some rave reviews over at the early-pregnancy-tests.com website




SOFT CUPS

Details on the product
Soft Cups was originally designed as an alternative to tampons and pads for menstrual bleeding and you can find more on the use of softcups for periods right here. The pack I got had 6 soft cups which come individually wrapped. Each cups is individually wrapped, disposible, flexible, and body friendly.  In the use of TTC softcups is inserted into the vagina and sits over the cervix after intercourse and hold the sperm close!  It can be worn for up to 12 hours at a time.



Using Softcups
When i first do this product i was scared by the size and texture of the softcup.  It looks HUGE and i couldnt fathom putting that in.  When it came time to use the softcup i was extremely surprised but the results.   It actually went it super easy and i felt nothing.   Once inside softcups can not be felt at all.  Here are some simple steps

*wash your hand and easiest if your sitting upright with legs apart*
1) Squeeze the opposite sided of the ring together
2) Insert into the vagina in a back and down direction
3) The cup mold to the individuals shape and should sit right behind the public bone
4) to remove just hook your finger under the rim and pull out slowly {i find this easier to do if you bare down slightly}

I also must note that the softcup was super easily inserted with the use of pre-seed! The extra lubrication makes for a more slippery environment!

Findings
Super easy to put in and take out.  I could walk around and not worry about the "sperm" coming out.  When i took the soft cup out you will see sperm in the cups (not a pretty sight) so be alert to that.  It can be messy if you don't take the product out slowly and carefully.  Weither or not soft cups worked for me as far as conception is something only time can tell.

To get a better look at what these products look like head over to my Youtube page and a short video is available. 







My final thoughts
I would definitely recommend these products.  They were easy to use and have a good theory behind them and area backed up very well with tons of supporting research

PROS

Pre-seed
  • easy to use
  • applicators provided
  • fun!
  • multi-use tube
  • similar to CM
  • free shipping from ear-pregnancy-tests.com

Softcups
  • easy to insert and remove
  • clear directions
  • unable to feel
  • can be worn for 12 hours
  • can walk around with it
  • individually wrapped
  • safe for your body
  • can also be used for periods
  • inexpensive


CONS

Pre-seed
  • tube is small for $19.99
  • hard to find in stores
  • applicators are wrapped in groups of 3

Softcups
  • looks intimidating
  • not pleasent looking upon removal
  • messy only if not pulled out correctly
  • must pay shipping if bought alone

Cons
- i needed the tests prior to the day i got them - however i am international and should have ordered sooner
- no options for package tracking (and if you were a spaz like me you'd probably check every day!
- credit card needed for orders
- must test several times to get a clear picture - this is a con of ALL OPKs not just this sites

STAY TUNED TO SEE IF I BECOME PREGNANT USING THESE PRODUCTS :)
** info taking through my experience using the Early-Pregnancy-Tests.com products via their website and info packages included with the product**
**personal experiences from my own views only and should be seen strictly as personal opinion.  I can not speak for anyone else using these products**
Links

QUICKY - up date that is!

I AM STILL IN LIMBO!!!

CD 24 - low temps!!!  I have no idea whats going on :(  here are my opks so far...


I hurt my back on Friday :( I still had a fairly active weekend but it reached a peak yesterday.  I went to the Dr and was started on 3 meds :(  I can move about better today however i had to miss my first day of work and that sux!

OHHHH mystery package arrived this weekend.... I wonder what could be inside....
- stay tuned to see what it was!!!!

Thursday 21 June 2012

New FB Update

Created a new FB page...come over and friend me by clicking here

 - - a small update, temps still low today :( its CD 20 and I have no clue whats going on :( I should be 3dpo and testing in a week but not sure what to do now :(

Wednesday 20 June 2012

CD 19 - Come on 2WW

UGHHHHH!!!! Sometimes TTC is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo confusing!!

SO heres where I am at....
CD 19
Not sure if im past ovulation
Temps are still low
No positive OPKs - tons of two line tests


What ive been doing...
OPKs once a day, now doing 2 a day [i swear these things HATE me]
was taking robitussin - stopped that
BD everyday
Temping
Using the softcups
Pre-seed

I am so ready to be in the 2WW - wish those temps would go up!


At some point Im going to do a full post on the soft cups and pre-seed but for now ill say that the pre-seed was cool, makes things a lil more "fun".  Soft cups scared the crap out of me when they arrived due to their size and texture however I am shocked with how easy to use they are!!!  with the pre-seed they just slid right in with little effort.  Getting them out was hard till I figured out how to get it.   Here's to hoping that its my month...FX...

OHHH and I almost forgot - started a youtube channel.  will do occasional updates on there re:my TTC journey.   I love that I will have all of this to look back on.  Im truly amazed with the support of other women and am in LOVE with seeing their journeys.... so relate-able.
Check that out here:


sorry about the thumbnail...they dont give much options and i look horrid in the others :S

Tuesday 12 June 2012

Bring on the home remedies for conception/fertility!!

So this post is sort of a review but mainly for personal interest as well as for the sake of boredom.  Id like to point out right away that this information is strictly unsupported and could be false due to lack of medical foundation, however some women in the TTC community will SWARE by some of these remedies.   Do not try these remedies unless you have consulted your own Doctor. There is a combo of medicinal and non-medicinal treatments.  For me this is just fun.  I do not claim that any of this is going to guarantee you a pregnancy! [jus saying :)]

Mini background on me...
I am in my 6th cycle of active TTC, 0 pregnancies thus far.  I have tried temping, timed intercourse, and use of OPKs.   I have 2 sons currently ages 10 and 2.  DH and I are both 26 years old this year.   Some of the remedies I have tried, will try and just have heard/known about.  



Non-Medicinal Remedies

Pre-Seed
Lubricant!!!!!!!!!  A much loved TTC product found here.  Most of the time lubs are frowned upon simply because the can stop sperm from moving to the uterus and significantly decrease motility of the sperm. Saliva will also have the same affect so its a big no-no as well.  Pre-seed wont do this, it helps the sperm along and is safe.  Lubs are pretty self explanatory but head over to there site for more info.  Sometimes out CM just isn't favourable so this can boost the chances! I am using this one FOR SURE and am actually awaiting my package :D so excited!

Grapefruit Juice
The theory here is that Grapefruit juice helps with the quality and quantity of CM (cervical mucus).  Its a debated remedy with many views.  It cant hurt you - heck the fluid intake and vitamins can help!  I tried to do this :(  I took one sip and poor Kamden was frightened by all the lovely faces I had made LOL  I even offered him a taste but he wasnt having that! An unscholorly sheet all about grapefruit juice as it relates to fertility here.

Lemon Juice
Add to your tea!  Helps regulate the Ph of the vagina.  Less acidity = environment which wont kill sperm! Lemon Juice info!

Pineapple
This one is for after ovulation!!   It apparently helps with implantation!! With this you need to know that it must be eaten in large quantities and its the core which had the goods.   Bromelain is an enzyme which acts similar to asprin.  It thins the blood, increases blood flow and make a good uterine environment for implantation. Must not be canned, must be fresh and non-cooked. Its hard to find concrete info on this as I originally head it from a TTCer who will be going through IVF (the pineapple thing is popular among those doing IVF and IUI!) Here is one personal opinion but you can also research Bromelain.  I stole this from my friend who told me about this - no clue where the info came from so sorry about that:

Using Pineapple to Assist Implantation: Pineapple contains bromelain. Bromelain is a proteolytic enzyme that breaks up proteins that inhibit embryo implantation. Consuming a whole pineapple (focusing on the core as it has the highest concentration of Bromelain) during a fertility cycle can be beneficial.

For IVF [in vitro fertilization] cycle: one pineapple, divided into 5 portions - consume one portion each day, over five days, beginning on the day of your embryo transfer.
...

IUI [intra-uterine insemination] cycle: one pineapple, divided into 5 portions - consume one portion each day, over five days, beginning on the day of your IUI.

Timed intercourse cycle: one pineapple, divided into 5 portions - consume one portion each day, over five days, beginning on the day after ovulation.

Note: Be careful not to start consuming pineapple too early in the cycle. Beginning to consume pineapple BEFORE the recommended days above can actually affect your vaginal and cervical mucus PH, making it more acidic.


ALSO - I have a story about the pineapple.   When i was preggo with DS2 and was late in my pregnancy, we were sharing old wives tales for starting labour.  One was to eat a whole pineapple in the hopes it will soften the cervix.  Well i DID it - i was about 38-39 weeks pregnant and was shocked when my water broke early and less then 24 hours after i ate it!!!  shocked! I blame it on the pineapple to this day!!!

Instead SoftCps
Originally made for the an alternative to tampons and pads for a women's menses.  The small cup is inserted into the vagina and prevent blood from passing through.   Some GENIUS thought up the idea to use it to hold sperm close to the cervix after intercourse.  Apparently 20 mins post-BD is all that's needed but can be used from up to 12 hours! The only complaint I have read online is that it can be messy to take out.  Not a big deal to me!  I am doing this one.... a box of 6 bought for $6-$7 from early-pregnancy-tests.com {i bought mine in a promo for the pre-seed and cups combo which made my purchase eligible for free shipping!} Info on softcups here

Charting, Temping, OPKing
All help to determine ovulation, nothing more, nothing less.

Positions!
Yes I'm talking about sex.  This site says missionary.  Of coarse there is nothing proving this and its completely unfounded.  The theory is that this position is excellent for depositing the sperm right at the cervix!  Also propping the hips after sex - again controversial.   Clearly you not do these things and still get pregnant but hey every...little...bit....helps!  already doing this one!

Water!
What!? so simple!?  YES! Stole this from this site!  It just says everything i want to say about water!!  {i will be doing this one}


"Drink plenty of water. At least 8 to 10 glasses a day. I can't stress this enough, this is one of the best tips for getting pregnant faster. Being thoroughly hydrated makes your whole body function most optimally, let alone your reproductive and endocrine systems. Hydration also increases your cervical mucus, which is vital to getting pregnant. Water just makes everything work better so drink up.
Read more: http://www.thefertilityrealm.com/tips-for-getting-pregnant.html#ixzz1xcHtZIhN



Medicinal Remedies - Over the counter medications

Robitussin (Guaifensin)
This one i plan to try this cycle, in fact its staring at me from my desk right now. When you use this is must be plain ol', nothing added, Guaifenesin. Common brand: Robitussin Syrup. What this is supposed to do is thin you cervical mucus - in theory making it more fertile. Thin mucus= fertile mucus = easier for sperm to travel into the uterus. Click here for a report on a study done with this drug - all of the info can be found at said link. The best time to start this treatment is on CD 5 (should be after your menses has ceased) and is used 3 times a day at 200mg per dose until ovulation. You do NOT have to buy name brands for this - just be sure that the only active ingredient in the med is Guaifenesin and definitely make sure there are no decongestants in the med as they can dry out the Cervical Mucus. A glass of water should be taken with this remedy!

Vitamin C
If you have hormone level problems, this can help regulate hormone levels - click here for more info. I will not be trying this one because it can cause hostile cervical mucus due to acid nature of Vit C. In men vitamin C can aid in sperm counts! This is one of the remedies not to be tried unless given the okay from a doctor, high amounts of vitamin C can cause problems!

Baby Aspirin
This remedy is for those who experience spontaneous abortions/miscarriages. It helps to stop the clotting of blood and helps to sustain a pregnancy. I will not be using this remedy as I do not have issues with sustaining a pregnancy. More info... Never take aspirin for fertility without speaking with your doctor. Doses of aspirin can be extremely dangerous and can cause to much thinning of the blood!

All of the info in this post has come from all sorts of resources, all have been highlighted and linked within the posts. Id like to say that this by no means the only wives tale remedies but are ones i find most interesting!!! Ill update in a future post on my finding with the ones i have chosen to do!



***EDIT*** im sneaking this one in... I was cooking dinner just now and notice a giant bag of baby carrots i bought, how could i forget to include them :)  Carrots are a huge source of vitamin A - which aids in quality CM - much like some of the other remedies!  gonna be trying this one for sure.  I also tried my grapefruit juice again.... its not happing!!  :(  tastes like death :(

Monday 11 June 2012

My new obsession

I am so facinated with youtuber's!!!!  But not just any youtuber's.... I cant stop watching mommy vlogs, pregnancy vlogs and TTC vlogs!!!! I can literally watch 40 weeks worth of preggo vlogs!!! Makes me oh so jealous!

The few i have been watching lately tend to be young moms, its so crazy that once upon a time i did that!

Speaking of TTC... I am on CD 10 - cant wait to get my most recent package from early-pregnancy-tests.com!!! YAY!

Wednesday 6 June 2012

Guess what!???

I scored THREE interviews today, thats friggen AWESOME

That is all :)

Monday 4 June 2012

My bebe is 2 and CD 2 :(

First I'll start off with some great news!  My precious little Bubszer turned 2 this past week <3 <3 its soooooooooo crazy how time flies!! 



We had a birthday party for him this past weekend.   We were supposed to go to the zoo but we were rained out and had his dinner at Pizza Hut :)  It was awesome because we were the only people in the restaurant, and ordered soooooooooooo much food!  The kids were as crazy and loud as they wanted without disturbing others!  Kamden thoroughly enjoyed his birthday cake:


After his dinner we took him to InPlay play centre {basically like chuckee cheese but more age appropriate} and the kids had a BLAST!  Even the adults had fun :)  It was a perfect 2nd birthday even though our original plans didn't work out :)

So onto the bad news!

...

As the subject line of this post suggests, I am on CD 2 :( which means a new cycle of TTC for me.   All of the pregnancy tests I had taken after that iffy one were BFN's :( As i look back at my chart I see there are somethings I would have done differently.  It cant be helped....  This cycle was SUCH A TEASE!  I got extremely light spotting on Friday night then it totally stopped {i was thinking YES! Implantation bleeding}!!!!  But i was wrong, and about 24hours later AF had came.   It reminded me of my March cycle where I was 8 days late with my period!!  TTC is so disappointing at times.   I still have tons of OPK/HCGs for this coming cycle and i definitely need to get a new BBT!!!  I hate feeling like I'm in the "dark" with my temps.   ALSO I have discovered another TTC tool!!  Thanks to the lovely ladies of the BabyZone community i found out about Soft Cups.  So Ive ordered this as well as some pre seed.  Ill be giving this a go this cycle! [These products are all from www.early-pregnancy-tests.com]  :)

So here is what my month is looking like so far...


Oh so plain - - This better be my month!!

Tuesday 29 May 2012

This weeks happenings in a nutshell

I have been extremely busy!

If I've been at home, Ive been car hunting.  I can literally looks for hours [what a loser]. LOL!  Other then this life has just been going with the flow.   Over the weekend I went to visit my mom and for the first time made the 3 hour drive where i was actually the driver!!!  Was easy!   It was Dhs birthday Saturday so we celebrated with cake and presents :) I bought him some sexy tighy whiteys to which i fully expect a personal modelling session with :) :D hehe!   

As for TTCing I am CD 28! and approx 9dpo [based on estimates since Kamden threw away my BBT].  I did an iffy hcg test today and I sware i see a line! I SWARE IT!  i even posted it here - used the invert feature and i still see something!!  Now it could be an evap line since the pic was 15-20 mins after the test but i cant help hoping!!  ill be testing again tomorrow, everyone please pray i get a BFP!!!!!  Also vote on what you think about my test.   Keep in mind that the BLUE test is the pregnancy test and the others were my OPKs!

Vote here - the other voters are giving some mixed review however most are saying positive!!!

Ive began to post updates via twitter so those interested can add me here to be notified of a blog update. 

I really have lead a boring life this week despite the crazed happenings!!  I'm just so darn excited about this possible BFP!!!  Will update tomorrow!

Reviews: Internet Ovulation Tests/Strips

To kick off the week I have a new review!  It kind of ties into my last review and controversy over "cheap" test strips.  For the purposes of this review I am using:



Where to but Internet tests strip
These are Internet strips which can be bought with a credit card via the Early-Pregnancy-Test website. I chose this site in particular due to suggestions from other TTCers and it seems to be the most trusted and popular site to buy both pregnancy and ovulation tests. 


Costs
The tests can be bought individual or in large numbers.  Here is a grid for the pricing of the tests:

1 - 9 tests $1.10 each
10 - 19 tests $1.06 each
20 - 49 tests $0.90 each
50 - 99 tests $0.60 each
100 - or more tests $0.55 each

As you can see the more you buy, the cheaper they are - even as low as .55cents per test.   Tests are no more then $1.10 per test.  I had gotten a promotional pack which includes: 25 ovulation tests and 10 pregnancy tests for $24.95 - this deal can be found here.

Shipping is free on orders over $14.99 and $2.99 for orders otherwise.


What you receive
My package took about a week to get here.  I am in Canada and this order is from a USA company.  International orders take longer due to customs etc. When i received my package it was in a plain envelope with discrete labelling (the return address simple says "Online Store".  The whole package looks something like this upon arrival (minus the fact i have opened mine):


Inside was the strips, an instruction sheet on both tests, brochures: on other fertility products, receipt/summary of order, and a special gift: a cute collectors tattoo {apparently they come out with a new one on a monthly basis}
[sorry despite best efforts this pic wouldn't rotate]

[photo borrowed from the Early Pregnancy Tests Website]


Test Details
Each tests comes individually wrapped in foil with an expiration date clearly written on the package alone with the type of test {hcg or Lh}. The tests are very light weight and have a width of 5milimeters.  The tests are 99.9% accurate in predicting an LH surge.


Using the test
When TTCing many women are aware of their cycle lengths.  This can help determine when to starting testing for LH (the hormone used to determine imminent ovulation).  For me i began on CD 16 however i would have started on the CD15 (i received my order on the CD 16). 

The testing process was extremely easy:
1) Collect Urine in specimen cup (i used a clean dixie cup) - Collection is best between 10am-8pm.  For multiple collection days, you should collect urine at same time each day.  The test page says to reduce liquid intake 2 hours prior so the test is diluted. DO NOT collect first morning urine. 
2) remove test from foil package and drop into urine but not past the MAX line, strip can be removed after 5 seconds and lay on flat surface
3) results can appear in as little as 40 seconds but a full 10 mins wait is recommended.  There is a great video on the company's website showing this process here.


Results
As in any Ovulation Test - a positive result is indicated when both control and test lines are of equal colour, OR when the test line is darker then the control line.   A negative would include: no test line, faint test line, test line being lighter then the control line. 

Here is 5 of my own test strips over a period of 4 days:


This is what my results tell me.... My test line became darker and darker from CD 16-18 with CD 18 having the darkest line AND nearly being a positive.  Real life [aka the weekend] took over me and i did not test on CD 19. When i went to test on CD 20 the line was light and almost gone.  This tells me the LH surge is over, and I had ovulated.   I believe i had a positive test later in the day on CD 18 [yes you CAN get a negative earlier and a positive later/ viseverssa] or on CD 19.   Either way I ovulated thereafter.

Ovulation generally occurs 24-48 AFTER you get your positive OPK results.  Saving tests is good for comparison.

Now that I have this information I can use it with my Fertility Chart:
**yes I'm slacking with my temping but Bubzer totally stole my BBT and I have a feeling it ended up in the garbage** but i usually O around CD 18.  Hubby and I had sex on CD 16-19 so I'm hoping this might be it :)  You can see my OPK results listed on the last line. 
My final thoughts
I am a fan of theses tests.  I would use them again and recommend them to a friend. They definitely have my as a future customer.

Pros
- east to use/read
- individual packaging
- variety packs offer great choices for ovulation/pregnancy test combos
- can save for comparison
- reliable
- free gift with purchase
- CHEAP pricing *like*like*like*
- free shipping on orders over $14.99

Cons
- i needed the tests prior to the day i got them - however i am international and should have ordered sooner
- no options for package tracking (and if you were a spaz like me you'd probably check every day!
- credit card needed for orders
- must test several times to get a clear picture - this is a con of ALL OPKs not just this sites


** info taking through my experience using the Early-Pregnancy-Tests.com products via their website and info packages included with the product**

**personal experiences from my own views only and should be seen strictly as personal opinion.  I can not speak for anyone else using these products**

Links

Thursday 17 May 2012

REVIEWS: Dollar store pregnancy tests

For today's review Id like to discuss Dollar Store Brand pregnancy tests.

For the purposes of this review I am using Dollar Tree Brand: Pro-Care Pregnancy Tests.  They can be bought in Canada at the price of $1.25

About this test:
The box themselves reads that the test in Over 99% accurate with easy to read results.  The test box itself looks something like this:
This test comes with 1- test, 1 - urine dropper, instructions on the back of the box. The directions tell you to set the test flat, drop 4 drops of urine ONLY to the small well on the test, results can be read as soon as the control line appears and should not be read past the 10 minute mark.  EASY!  Each test comes individually wrapped in foil and has an expiration date clearly labelled.  The box also indicates that this test has an HCG sensitivity level of 20mIu. This test has a license from Health Canada, I had previously read that the tests did not have this prior.  This test now does have the licence and is under a new name and sold in stores: dollarama which is now known as Dollar Tree. 

Trying the test: 
I have tried these tests and all have been negative, however i have not been pregnant so this would be accurate.   When I had Kamden I took one with a friend because we just wanted to see what would happen and if it actually worked. It did work, mine was positive and hers was negative.  The control line is very obvious and two pink lines would appear if the test was positive

Pros: individually wrapped, own dropper, small, great price, red die
Cons: must pee in a cup or other clean urine collection tool, stigma over price

My thoughts and assessments:
Those of us who are TTC go through a lot of supplies. We go through on average 3-4 pregnancy tests per month and 10+ ovulation tests per month {this is what i go through} and to be honest it doesn't matter if the test costs $10 or $30 - the results are the same.  This goes for a test that is costing $1.  Hardcore TTCers usually buy tests online at about 50 cents per test - what makes those tests any more special then the $30 Clear blue test from the store?  Nothing IMO....  All tests are looking for the same thing and that's HCG levels.   One important fact to look for in a pregnancy test is SENSITIVITY.  For example my Dollar store test has sensitivity of 20mIU and most other tests (life brand, frer, etc) also have the same.   WALMART brand tests have a level of 25mIU and therefore are not as sensitive as the dollar store test! In my opinion these tests are all on the same level.   That being said there is only 1 other test which may be superior and we all know and trust - First Response Early Pregnancy Detection tests.   They have a 15mIU detection and is perhaps the BEST tests however for general testing the Dollar Store tests are just as accurate.  ALSO - i have learned in my TTC journey not to trust BLUE die tests, i did learn a few months ago that evaporation lines happen and it literally scared and disappointed me.  IMO - get a red die test!  Dollar Store Brand tests do use red dies.  LASTLY - a line is a line, a faint line is still a line!  Any coloured line should be interpreted as a positive result as long as it was in the allowed time frame [usually 10 mins].

When in doubt use a FRER!  If you get a positive on the Pro-Care test I suggest testing with a FRER, but i would say this about ANY other test.  As always theses tests should not take take the place of a professional medical opinion.   Happy testing!

Life this week, driving and TTC!

SUCH A BUSY WEEK...is putting things "lightly".  

I had my interview on Monday for a peds/OB nursing job and i have very mixed feeling on this.   I am HORRIBLE in interviews, i hate on the spot questioning and I hate feeling like I'm being judged.   I fall flat in these situations which SUCKS because i know I'm an excellent nurse with many skills.  I know that I give 100% on the job and even more so when Its a job i love.   I just need to get in there and show that.   I'm about 99% sure i did not get it.   They had received over 100 resumes and out of those they narrowed the choices to only 6.  Yes i was top 6 based on resume and cover letter alone however if on of those other 5 rocks the interview I'm basically left screwed :(  Hope and prayers that they see something in me they liked.  

I also had a telephone interview with a home-care nursing company which is looking to hire for 2 positions.   That went well {probably because i was in my pj's and able to jump around like a child} while i talked.  Now they want to set up a meeting and is going to be help next week sometime.   It does sound very promising.

AND now for the best news of all.  I FINALLY HAVE my drivers license!~ After so long - 10 years since Ive been "allowed to drive" then the past year of having only a beginners permit, i finally have it.   Its such a relief!!!!  It felt soooooo good to do so well, i have no idea why i was so scared of it.   I am still in shock over this YAY FOR ME!!!!!!

In my TTC journey I am on CD 17 {17th day of my cycle} and ovulation should be around the 18th.   I have run into a charting problem - my lovely almost 2 years old has stolen my basal thermometer :( Ive search hig and low, moved furniture, check all his hiding spots with no luck, there is only so many places to look.  He has done this before and i believe my last one went into the garbage {as well as a set of keys and several utensils from the kitchen}.  So, i have no temps for the past 3 days :(  still hoping to find it I have no way to determine ovulation.  I am still waiting for my ovulation and pregnancy strips to come in so that isnt even an option :(  DH is in for some good BDing {sex} this weekend!  Poor dh :)  So basically I am right at ovulations door, about to knock.  I am extremely fertile {2-3 days prior to O} and super excited for this part of the cycle :)   We have been stuggling with DHs outlook on the whole situation, and he is being kind of negative about it.  He is really tired the fact that we havent gotten pregnant yet, he seems to think that "it's never going to happen" and "we've tried and it hasnt happened so it wont happen this time".  He is starting to get on my nerves with all that negativity!!!!!! GOSH!! it doesnt happen over night and statistically most couple TTC for up to 6 months before having their first pregnancy!!  A little optimisum would be nice!!!!  **asskicking**

Sunday 13 May 2012

Mother's Day 2012

I had a good mothers day :)  Here's a quick little summary of the weekends events:

On Friday my mom came to visit.  She was treated to a weekend stay at the Casino Rama Hotel in Rama, ON and we went to visit her there.   She, her "man friend", dh and myself went and ate at the Noodle Bar (BEST Cantonese cuisine EVER) and then did a little gambling.  My limit is/always is/always will be $20.  I ended up walking out with $73 - making $53 extra dollar :) Not a jackpot but better then i went in with.  The boys and I went home late.  

Saturday we all met back up at the hotel, this time I had gotten a room as well.  It was my baby sister and brothers birthday as well as mothers day so gifts were exchanged.   Mom and I went shopping while everyone took an afternoon nap - spent HOURS waiting for that women to try on clothes (now I know how most DHs feel when shopping with women).  In the evening we had cake and a big pizza dinner!  Then the adults went to the cinema to catch a late show. We settled to bed late again, but the baby ended up waking up around 5am, the poor dear had a high fever.  He got to sleep with mama the rest of the morning.  The temperature has remained all day, he has had moments of feeling better but he looks so sad and sick :(

My sick bebes:

It was a busy but simple weekend I'd say.  This week is going to be crazy, i have my big interview tomorrow!!!!  Think ill play a little Warcraft before bed!! HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!!

p.s. Took an OPK - I am on CD 11 here is a pic, its really hard to see but I'm clearly NOT ovulating,  this is a negative test.  There are 2 lines, one is really really light pink.  FYI: A positive test would should 2 lines equal in colour, or the test line would be darker!  Hopefully my Internet OPKs will be in tomorrow!

Friday 11 May 2012

PRODUCT REVIEW: Life Brand BBT

For my first Review Id like to discuss the:

LIFE BRAND BASAL BODY TEMPERATURE THERMOMETER

The Brand:  LIFE Brand - made for Shoppers Drug Mart - Canada.  I choose this product because it was the only one on the shelf.  I had a heck of a time finding a BBT thermometer to begin with.   You can only get LIFE products at SDM, however I'm sure there are tons of other brands

The Product: The product is light weight, easy to read screen which displays the result in Celsius.   It has a 1' inch screen displaying a double decimal number ie. 36.62C.  The thermometer itself is pink {was the only colour available}.  One easy button to turn on and off and holding the button will show its memory of the previous temp taken.  The battery is easily accessible from the end of the thermometer with easy removal. It comes with a clear probe case as well as a booklet with charts for the buyer's use.  Instruction manual included. 

Background Info and Reading Your Data:  BBT's is a tool used in fertility and family planning.   It helps to determine ovulation and a temperature change is evident after ovulation has occurred.   Although it doesn't tell you in advance when ovulation is imminent, it does however give you an overall picture on what your ovulation cycle says.   When you take your temperature you do it every AM - at the same time each day and prior to doing ANYTHING else.  This includes getting up, walking, moving, and even  talking.   You can even go back to sleep after if needed so pick an appropriate time and write down results right away!  I learned that it can be hard to do this from memory since i lost a few temps doing that.   I personally will enter the data on my cell phone!  You may also use the products memory however this will only store one temp!

Here is my chart and temperatures using this product for the month of April:

The red cross lines show were i had ovulated on CD 18.  All the temperatures after that were "above" the line and consistently higher.   The charting/temping process is also useful in determination of imminent menses/period.  When there is a significant DROP in temperature during the post ovulation phase, you will likely have your period in the next day or two.   In the case of my chart i had a huge drop on May 1st and did get my cycle on May 2nd.  The best days to conceive would have been the days before Cycle Day 18. 

For comparison sakes here is my chart for Feb and is quite similar:


PRO's of this product:
double digit results
- protective case
- sample charts and blank charts for buyer's use
- effective in showing predicting ovulation and menstrual cycles

CON's of this product:
- slow result time - takes over a minute and that's hard to do early in the morning
- no prob covers included
- memory: only stores one reading. BE CAREFUL when obtaining a memory reading, it is easy to erase/lose the reading so only look at it if your ready to record it!

My thoughts on this product:
I was satisfied with this product.  The only problem i had was losing readings from the memory.  My toddler actually pressed the button on a few occasions {he is fascinated with the darn thing} and i lost data.  Its easy to use, easy to read and overall fulfilled its purpose.  I have only done 2 full cycles of temping but my ovulation days were close and were CD 17 in Feb and CD 18 in April.   I will definitely continue to use this product!  I would recommend this product and the art of chart/temping to anyone who is TTC!

~~~For more information on this thermometer or to buy - visit your local Shoppers Drug Mart Canada.  Any personal questions may be directed to myself.  For more information on Charting and Temping visit my personal favourite site Fertility Friend!~~

Thursday 10 May 2012

Now that i have the formality of introduction completed, I can be real ;)

I have two life issues I'd like to discuss and/or rant about.

1) Un-emplyment

2) TTC (trying to conceive)

Unrelated topics and somehow tie into my life together. 

As previous blogs have said, I am currently out of work.  I was just working as a Clinic Nurse in the intercity of Etobicoke, Ontario.  It was a busy 7 MD clinic and was actually a really great job.  In moving i effectively ended my employment with :( So here I am, educated, graduated, and looking for a job.   Its been about 4 weeks and here I am still job less. WHY IS IT SO HARD to get a job?  Even getting an interview is hard :/ My resume and cover are immaculate - Ive had both reviewed by an employment councillor.  The town I'm living in has a very limited job listings as it is but i am still having no luck!!!!!!!   I have looked in every nook and cranny of the interwebs to no avail. Here is the 411 on myself

- I graduated in 2009 from a reputable college in Ontario, Canada
- Ive worked mostly in Long Term Care and Doctors offices
- I am a member of the College of Nurses
- I am a member of the RPNAO
- Excellent references
- Working as a nurse since 2009
- EXPERT at venipucture and any type of injections!
- extensive resume which outline my skills

Something, somewhere must scream out not to hire me or give me an interview!

I have my first and only interview this Monday - its for paediatric and OB nurse at a local hospital.  Truth be told this is best case scenario!  If i could pick any area of nursing to do, THIS would be it! PROBLEM: i have no experience in these areas no do i have extended education in these areas.  However I am more then willing to obtain this!!  Those areas are WHY i went into nursing to begin with!! I want it more then I can even put into words.  I don't know how to dazzle the interviewer when i have no experience!!   I will be hoping and praying my heart away until then!!!  Look for updates.


Secondly, TTCing

I know being unemployed isn't a good time to be TTC however this was started prior to quitting my job.  Dh and I have been actively TTCing since January of this year. We are in cycle 5 with no pregnancy at all.   Ive charted my BBT temps, check cervical position, checked cervical mucus, used OPK and basically stood on my head after sex (BDing).  This is what I have learned about myself in the process:

- I ovulate on Day 17/18 of my cycle
- My shortest cycle was 28 days
- My longest cycle was 36 days
- cervical mucus all looks the same
- OPKs confuse me
- i love fertility friend

Ive tried being a hardcore charter, Ive tried letting it all go and doing nothing but BDing.  Nothing.   This cycle Ive bought test both pregnancy and OPKs - I'm going to try my hand at multi OPKing and see what happens.   Ive seen so many fellow TTCers get their positives, Ive seen multiple friends get positives.  Even my sister got another BFP and she started TTC after me!! IT HAS TO BE MY TURN!!!! COME ON!!!! Is there a trick to this whole getting pregnant thing???  My prior pregnancies were unexpected so Ive never experienced this before.

Today I am on Cycle Day 9.  I cant wait to get my tests, Ive never ordered online but it seems to be quite popular.

So for those who are TTCing, any suggestions??

Here are some of my favourite TTC links

Babyzone - the BEST support Ive had for pregnancy, ttc and baby
Fertility Friend - Ovulation Tracking, temping
Count Down To Pregnancy - another tracking tools

Being a mom... part 2

THE STORY OF BUBS

Ive had many years of practise as a mom, a lot of ups and downs, a lot of learning.  I had gotten my life together and on track multiple times.  I went to school here, there and everywhere, moved, moved back, and had taken my eldest child with me.  Then finally!!!  We moved back to our hometown after years of nursing school, I was awaiting my registration with the College of Nurses. Working, having a summer of fun while Brendan was visiting his dad for the summer.   I distinctly remember the night I met my bf.  It was a May night and my friends wanted to go out on a celebratory evening.  We went out dancing and that's where i first met him.  I told my friend she should talk to him cause he was "cute", she wasn't interested.  He ended up approaching me, we talked, our friendship blossomed from there.   Over the next few months we went from friend, to a relationship, to a break up, to jealous making up.  He would appear when i was almost constantly and made it very hard for me to have fun.  And at the end of the day he did all he could to be in my life.  We did continue to hang out on a regular basis and it was fine.  TBH it was mostly sexual and friendship-like.  We could talk, have fun and hang with each others crowds.  One thing that kept our friendship from being a relationship was distrust.   He lied a lot which caused the early crash and burn of our initial relationship.  He lied about everything down to his age.  I was able to forgive but i wasn't settling for a liar.

The day I found out was pregnant was a Friday - I was packing for a weekend away with my girlfriends.  I was expecting my period that day or the next.  I thought id take a test, just in case since this weekend would include drinking.   I had done this before as precaution but always had BFNs.  I took the test, set it down on the bathroom counter the results were negative.  I continued on with packing, my father was dropping my son off from school at any minute.  When they arrived i immediately though "OH shit that test is laying out, i better hide it" so i went to get it from the bathroom.  TO my shock there were TWO RED lines!  POSITIVE! 

Inside i was freaking out but i had to maintain my composure in the presence of my dad.  After he left Brendan and I went straight to the pharmacy to get a FRER.  I took it...positive.... I had very mixed feelings on this, on one hand i though "OMG I'M PREGNANT {with freak outs}" and on the other hand i was actually EXCITED!  I told one friend right away since i had to cancel our weekend, told my mom who was ELATED by the news, told my older sister.  Needless to say it was hard to keep to myself.  The baby's dad was surprised and wanted his family to raise the baby {HELL NO} but warmed to the idea.  Lastly i told my dad, mostly due to fear.  My entire pregnancy was busy, i was working full time hours as a nurse, buying everything i could.. and NEW.  That's something i never got to do when i had my first son.  We moved into a new home, a very beautiful new 3 bedroom, i had a perfect little boys nursery.  The relationship with baby's dad didn't last long.  After learning i was pregnant i tried with his dad but it was clear i couldn't get past the lies - most recently a lie including another women.  NO WAY in hell was i going to live with that.   End of that story.  He did buy stuff for the baby, he gave money, he even paid for his medical circumcision expenses (which was $700).  All was good until November of that year.  That was the last time we seen him, we would talk on the phone but he was really pushing a relationship.  I stuck my ground and said no, but welcomed him to see his child anytime he wanted.  The last time we heard from him was January of 2011.  He stopped calling, changed his number and that was that.   In a way I'm glad it happened while the baby has no memory of him and when it comes down to it, its his LOSS.  His child id gorgeous and amazing. He is smart and looks a lot like him.  Again his LOSS.

Anyways back to the story of my baby... It was a long awaited pregnancy.  I worked right up to the end, life was actually really good!  Here was me at 39 weeks pregnancy:


One night I was sleeping, had gotten up to pee several times, Brendan was at a friends for the night.  In early morning I felt a hard kick! It woke me but didn't alarm me so i stayed put.  Within a minute i felt water! OMG that's wasn't a kick! i did a hop, skip and a jump to the bathroom.  I sat there as the water continued to flow out, all i could do was sit there half panicking.  I sat and sat, waited for something, a pain....anything..... well i got nothing.  I finally got up, put on new undies, put the old ones in a Ziploc to take to the hospital.  I went downstairs and the walking induced another flow of water.  Did another hop, skip and jump to the downstairs washroom and had another sit down as i called my mom.  I told her what had happened and that i wasn't in pain.  Told her id call her soon.  Did another clean up and went on FB... GOOOD OL FB!   My sister was up early (well with 5 kids she tends to be) so i told her about it all, i posted on my babyzone.com Due Date Club forum and the advise was to go get checked.  Some said maybe i just peed myself (hence why i kept the undies for later testing).  That day happened to be Brendan's first soccer game of the season.  Oh how i didn't want to miss that!!!  I loaded up with some super absorbent ma tress pads and went to the game.  Sat on the ground even!  My dad was there too but i didn't want to tell him what happened.  I KNEW he'd make me leave.   I told him once the game was over, and we went to the hospital.   I told him ill call him later as i might be there for a while.  

The hospital did check me and baby out, i told them i wasn't due for a while yet.  They confirmed it was my water that had broken.  There was NO SIGNS of labour otherwise.  They gave me an option to stay and be admitted or too go home with conditions.  I picked go home, i wasn't ready since it wasn't even my due date yet.  They said i have 24 hours and if no labour i have no choice but to come in for induction.  So i went home, had an amazing last dinner of PIZZA mmmmmm.   Got stuff together for my hospital stay.  My mom had arrived, i cant even count the time she asked me if i was feeling anything yet.  I wasn't.  We stayed up all night talking, my cousin came to join the party.   I got a few hours of sleep {regretfully knowing i shouldn't have stayed up so late}.  We went in about 8am the next day.  I hadn't felt a single contraction or pain, only the occasional water leakage.  The morning went slow and was filled with assessment, paper work etc.  They started fluid and pitocin.  Few more hours passed and NOT A SINGLE PAIN.   It took hours to get it going, i eventually started feeling slight back discomfort around 230pm.   My labour was silent and they couldn't believe how well i was taking it.  I kept saying i had to pee but really i didn't.  I just wanted to sit alone {the induction nurse was there constantly to monitor so i felt crowded}, it was a production to unhook me from everything but i insisted.  When they offered and EPI i said YES PLEASE.   Remembering Brendan's birth, i knew i wanted it.   Once i got the EPI, it was hours of trying to balance it, i was feeling pain at times but eventually they got it sorted out and I was comfortable.  I slept, my mom and cousin went to eat, etc.   We got to a point where they though it was almost pushing time.  Well they were right cause i felt his head and felt him moving down.  Shame on me, i didn't inform the nurse.  I was scared of the pushing stage.   I was busted cause she wanted to do an "exam" to see where we were at.   She had a look of panic and said DO NOT PUSH and WE NEED A DOCTOR, ANY DOCTOR.  My OBs husband was in the hospital so he attended.  I tried to push but I was in no pain and very aware of my surroundings.   Turns out I'm a terrible pusher and my OB had time to arrive.   I remember at one point i was pushing and all eyes were one me.  I burst out laughing..... it was WEIRD having people staring at me, i couldn't help myself.   Around 9pm i finally had him, weighing in at 7lbs 11oz, he was amazing!  He had giant eyes which were looking all over the place in wonder! 


He was finally here!!!  Big brother Brendan came to meet his brother the following day:
And here the trouble maker is today! Oh and he has a nickname to which he is still called: BUBSZER

Bubszer is half native American and half African {Kenyan} - such a cutie!

Being a mom..part 1

"Being a young mom means we met a little early, but I get to love you a little longer. Some people said my life ended when I had a baby, but my life had just begun. You didn't take away from my future you gave me a new one."

Some may have seen this posted on FB, twitter or else where but it is indeed true for me.  Your supposed to also post the age you became a mom.  For me I was 16.

Let me paint you a picture: 15 years old, intelligent {in high school course for the academically inclined}, member of the students council spirit squad, avid participant in school events, slightly rebellious, dark haired, tanned, lovely in many respects and a dancer.   Sure I didn't always do what my parents told me but over all i was a GOOD kid.  Seriously most parents dream of having a child like this. My mom however didn't agree {i bet she's thinking this now that she has a teenager growing up in the 2010's} she tried to put so many restrictions on me - and as a result I didn't tell her stuff, she kinda ruined the bond needed in a teen aged females life.  I can literally count on one hand how many "bad" parties i went to as a teen, however i cant count how many good positive experiences i had (ie. volunteer work, academic related activities, sports etc).  She should have just let me live a little!!!!  It would probably prevented my having a baby at such a young age.   I would never EVER regret having my son however I did miss out on being a kid.  I didn't go to prom, dropped my extra curricular activities but it a larger sense I prepared for the birth of my son.  

I was 15 - his father was 19.   He was NOT the one i lost my virginity too.  We were in a relationship.  He was older and therefor cooler then I was {or so my teen brain though}.  Condoms were used but failed.  I missed 2 periods and didn't notice.  Then i kinda joked about being pregnant but i didn't actually believe it!!!  One night i was feeling mildly nauseous and my mom said "What... are you pregnant?" She was also kidding.  I don't really remember but i think i said something like... "I don't know".   Well she raced to the pharmacy and got a test. She left as i took it.  I sat on the stairs and waited for her to get home.  The test instantly showed no doubt about it results.  It was a shock! A SHOCK! my mom says she wasn't shocked however my dad sure was.  In the coming months i still went to school, still took phys-ed till i couldn't run anymore. I broke up with his dad just before i found out i was pregnant and we did not get back together with him despite his efforts.  I did however talk to him and hang out with him, i allowed him to be part of this baby.  I saved all my money and bought mostly second hand clothes and other baby needs.  When it came time I did have everything i needed for him, i took the classes, i had a plan..sort of....

I still remember his birth almost 10 years ago!  I normally watched my sister and brother while my mom worked nights.  On this particular night she was prepping to leave, it was around 11pm, I had some back discomfort but thought it to be normal back pain related to pregnancy.  I tried to lay down but the discomfort persisted.  I scoured the net for labour symptoms and talked to baby's dad on the phone.  I started to realize that maybe this was labour.  Around 2-3am the pain was getting intense and i had started writing the times down.   I didn't want to call my mom, i thought she would be mad at me for disturbing her at work for false labour.  She must have heard my thoughts cause she called {she didn't normally check in} and i told her i "think" it might be something.   She insisted on coming home anyways, i was relieved.  By the time my mom had a sitter for the kids and we had my stuff loaded into the car the pain was becoming intense.  After intake and assessment it was determined i was 4cm dilated.  The next few hours are a blur, i wanted a non-drug birth so i was in a lot of pain, the nurse made me walk, i began wanting pain meds but it was too late for an epi and all they could offer was a little morphine {it did not a damn thing}.  I was sitting in the bathroom when the nurses deemed me ready to push.  I pushed.... seemed like hours but he was eventually born on the morning of August 13, 2002, 2 days after my due date. He was perfect at 8lbs 3oz and came out screaming!  Back then we didn't have digi cameras and all the photos i have aren't on the computer.  Brendan was nameless for almost 2 weeks! One thing i had hard time with was picking a name for him.  He was in the hospital for almost 2 weeks with sever jaundice.   He spent the first week in an incubator :( i didn't even hold him much.   I would sit in the NICU and look at him, i was allowed to put my hand in to touch him.  

Here's an olden day web cam pic of him approx 1-2wks old:

Him when he was a toddler
And finally here is is today at the ripe old age of 9.8

They really truly grow up fast.  Ive learned a lot through having him so early and wouldn't change a thing.  His looks like his dad, he loves lego and can be very troublesome as his aged suggests.  His dad isn't a big part of his life and they see each a few times a year.  His dad doesn't make an effort to call and when he does visit i have to take him and pick him up.   He does see his grandparent on his dads side and they adore him but the visits are few.   His dad doesn't help much and there is court ordered child support however i rarely receive it.  Some would say...at least he sees/knows his dad at all... at the same time it can be very unfair to Brendan.   Brendan is very close to my dad and "papa" is the biggest male influence he has had in his life.   Overall id say he is a happy child none the less.   One other notable quality is that he has some pretty severe learning disabilities, you'd never know by talking/looking at him.  He is dyslexic and has trouble with reading and writing at his own grade level.  We work hard on this.  I can hardly believe that this year i will have a 10 year old!  My baby will be a whole decade old!! Such a milestone!!!!