Ive had many years of practise as a mom, a lot of ups and downs, a lot of learning. I had gotten my life together and on track multiple times. I went to school here, there and everywhere, moved, moved back, and had taken my eldest child with me. Then finally!!! We moved back to our hometown after years of nursing school, I was awaiting my registration with the College of Nurses. Working, having a summer of fun while Brendan was visiting his dad for the summer. I distinctly remember the night I met my bf. It was a May night and my friends wanted to go out on a celebratory evening. We went out dancing and that's where i first met him. I told my friend she should talk to him cause he was "cute", she wasn't interested. He ended up approaching me, we talked, our friendship blossomed from there. Over the next few months we went from friend, to a relationship, to a break up, to jealous making up. He would appear when i was almost constantly and made it very hard for me to have fun. And at the end of the day he did all he could to be in my life. We did continue to hang out on a regular basis and it was fine. TBH it was mostly sexual and friendship-like. We could talk, have fun and hang with each others crowds. One thing that kept our friendship from being a relationship was distrust. He lied a lot which caused the early crash and burn of our initial relationship. He lied about everything down to his age. I was able to forgive but i wasn't settling for a liar.
The day I found out was pregnant was a Friday - I was packing for a weekend away with my girlfriends. I was expecting my period that day or the next. I thought id take a test, just in case since this weekend would include drinking. I had done this before as precaution but always had BFNs. I took the test, set it down on the bathroom counter the results were negative. I continued on with packing, my father was dropping my son off from school at any minute. When they arrived i immediately though "OH shit that test is laying out, i better hide it" so i went to get it from the bathroom. TO my shock there were TWO RED lines! POSITIVE!
Inside i was freaking out but i had to maintain my composure in the presence of my dad. After he left Brendan and I went straight to the pharmacy to get a FRER. I took it...positive.... I had very mixed feelings on this, on one hand i though "OMG I'M PREGNANT {with freak outs}" and on the other hand i was actually EXCITED! I told one friend right away since i had to cancel our weekend, told my mom who was ELATED by the news, told my older sister. Needless to say it was hard to keep to myself. The baby's dad was surprised and wanted his family to raise the baby {HELL NO} but warmed to the idea. Lastly i told my dad, mostly due to fear. My entire pregnancy was busy, i was working full time hours as a nurse, buying everything i could.. and NEW. That's something i never got to do when i had my first son. We moved into a new home, a very beautiful new 3 bedroom, i had a perfect little boys nursery. The relationship with baby's dad didn't last long. After learning i was pregnant i tried with his dad but it was clear i couldn't get past the lies - most recently a lie including another women. NO WAY in hell was i going to live with that. End of that story. He did buy stuff for the baby, he gave money, he even paid for his medical circumcision expenses (which was $700). All was good until November of that year. That was the last time we seen him, we would talk on the phone but he was really pushing a relationship. I stuck my ground and said no, but welcomed him to see his child anytime he wanted. The last time we heard from him was January of 2011. He stopped calling, changed his number and that was that. In a way I'm glad it happened while the baby has no memory of him and when it comes down to it, its his LOSS. His child id gorgeous and amazing. He is smart and looks a lot like him. Again his LOSS.
Anyways back to the story of my baby... It was a long awaited pregnancy. I worked right up to the end, life was actually really good! Here was me at 39 weeks pregnancy:
One night I was sleeping, had gotten up to pee several times, Brendan was at a friends for the night. In early morning I felt a hard kick! It woke me but didn't alarm me so i stayed put. Within a minute i felt water! OMG that's wasn't a kick! i did a hop, skip and a jump to the bathroom. I sat there as the water continued to flow out, all i could do was sit there half panicking. I sat and sat, waited for something, a pain....anything..... well i got nothing. I finally got up, put on new undies, put the old ones in a Ziploc to take to the hospital. I went downstairs and the walking induced another flow of water. Did another hop, skip and jump to the downstairs washroom and had another sit down as i called my mom. I told her what had happened and that i wasn't in pain. Told her id call her soon. Did another clean up and went on FB... GOOOD OL FB! My sister was up early (well with 5 kids she tends to be) so i told her about it all, i posted on my babyzone.com Due Date Club forum and the advise was to go get checked. Some said maybe i just peed myself (hence why i kept the undies for later testing). That day happened to be Brendan's first soccer game of the season. Oh how i didn't want to miss that!!! I loaded up with some super absorbent ma tress pads and went to the game. Sat on the ground even! My dad was there too but i didn't want to tell him what happened. I KNEW he'd make me leave. I told him once the game was over, and we went to the hospital. I told him ill call him later as i might be there for a while.
The hospital did check me and baby out, i told them i wasn't due for a while yet. They confirmed it was my water that had broken. There was NO SIGNS of labour otherwise. They gave me an option to stay and be admitted or too go home with conditions. I picked go home, i wasn't ready since it wasn't even my due date yet. They said i have 24 hours and if no labour i have no choice but to come in for induction. So i went home, had an amazing last dinner of PIZZA mmmmmm. Got stuff together for my hospital stay. My mom had arrived, i cant even count the time she asked me if i was feeling anything yet. I wasn't. We stayed up all night talking, my cousin came to join the party. I got a few hours of sleep {regretfully knowing i shouldn't have stayed up so late}. We went in about 8am the next day. I hadn't felt a single contraction or pain, only the occasional water leakage. The morning went slow and was filled with assessment, paper work etc. They started fluid and pitocin. Few more hours passed and NOT A SINGLE PAIN. It took hours to get it going, i eventually started feeling slight back discomfort around 230pm. My labour was silent and they couldn't believe how well i was taking it. I kept saying i had to pee but really i didn't. I just wanted to sit alone {the induction nurse was there constantly to monitor so i felt crowded}, it was a production to unhook me from everything but i insisted. When they offered and EPI i said YES PLEASE. Remembering Brendan's birth, i knew i wanted it. Once i got the EPI, it was hours of trying to balance it, i was feeling pain at times but eventually they got it sorted out and I was comfortable. I slept, my mom and cousin went to eat, etc. We got to a point where they though it was almost pushing time. Well they were right cause i felt his head and felt him moving down. Shame on me, i didn't inform the nurse. I was scared of the pushing stage. I was busted cause she wanted to do an "exam" to see where we were at. She had a look of panic and said DO NOT PUSH and WE NEED A DOCTOR, ANY DOCTOR. My OBs husband was in the hospital so he attended. I tried to push but I was in no pain and very aware of my surroundings. Turns out I'm a terrible pusher and my OB had time to arrive. I remember at one point i was pushing and all eyes were one me. I burst out laughing..... it was WEIRD having people staring at me, i couldn't help myself. Around 9pm i finally had him, weighing in at 7lbs 11oz, he was amazing! He had giant eyes which were looking all over the place in wonder!
He was finally here!!! Big brother Brendan came to meet his brother the following day:
Bubszer is half native American and half African {Kenyan} - such a cutie!
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