Presenting Shanley Marie Joan

I went to sleep on Sunday June 1, 2014 being 38 weeks and 1 day pregnant.  Somewhere between 12-3am I felt a little (TMI) wetness.  I thought it might be a little urine or discharge.  I went to the bathroom and when I wiped the toilet paper had what looked like really concentrated urine.  It was super yellow!  I figured I should probably start drinking more water!  I went back to bed and fell asleep.  A while later I felt the feeling again.  This time I decided to ignore it, I was so sleepy!  Sometimes between 4-430 am I felt the feeling again, only this time there was the unmistakable feeling of much more fluid.  I KNEW this time that it was in fact my water.  I did a hop skip and a jump to the bathroom, water started to come down my legs.  I sat on the toilet and the big gush came.  I sat until I felt it was safe to get up.  When I wiped, the paper was more yellow this time but almost with a tint of green.  When I saw the toilet water, I knew there was a problem.  It was totally green! Almost black!  Being a nurse I knew this meant there was meconium in the water and I should get ready to go to the hospital.  I hoped into the shower and went to get my Doppler and the phone.  I checked baby's heart beat then called the hospital.  I told them my water was discoloured and that I was Step positive so I was going to come in. 

I woke up DH and told him there was a problem and that my water broke.  We got the bags together and I woke up my oldest son to let him know we were leaving.   Dh and I were on our way to the hospital!!  In the car I felt the very first contractions.  Only I didn't know it was a contraction as I was nervous and thought it was just my body reacting.  When we got to the hospital they got me to change into a gown and give a urine sample.  Ugh my sample did not look good.  It was like a cup of army green mud water, it was definitely gross.  Nobody checked this right away, I left it in the bathroom.  They had me on the monitor and we talked about what lead to this.  They had me put on oxygen and turn onto my side as the baby seemed to be in a little distress.  Ling on my right side seemed to ease this, and baby looked better on the monitor.   I told them baby was breech so they should test to find out if she turned.  My blood pressure was super high!!! After 20-30 mins, someone finally looked at the urine sample and this is where everything started to go fast. When they seen how green it was, they called the on-call OB right away.  In a matter of 10 mins there was several doctors and nurses in the room, poor dh got pushed to the back.  The OB laid it out straight, baby was still breech, my blood pressure was high, baby was having some late D cells, there was a lot of meconium and MOST shocking, I was already 5cm dilated!!!  For these reasons he wanted to do an emergency C-Section right away before the labour progressed, or the baby went into further distress.  At this point I was feeling contractions but they weren't too bad.  I told Dwight to start calling people, my dad would be the one to pick up the boys for school.  He tried calling my mom too, but there was no answer so we left messages.  We had planned for my sister to come in the delivery room but we told them it would be a C-section so she probably wouldn't make it. 

It all happened quick and next thing I knew we were in the OR.  They did the spinal and at this point I was having very painful contractions!!  I always wondered how far dilated I was, I imagine I was near birth because of how quick and painful the contractions got in such a short time.  While they were setting up, 2 nurses decided to get into a little spat.  Being a nurse myself I was laughing on the inside, nurses CAN be evil bitches, just like any other women.  I didn't take it to heart because in a way I "get" it but come onnnnnnnnnnn, I'm trying to bring a person into the world here.  The evil one kept telling the other one that she should just leave, I found it weird that no one else interrupted them.  FINALLY someone said to stop.  Soon the staff was ready and they let DH in and he came to sit by my head.  I was feeling so nauseated and kept getting the worst heartburn I ever had!!  That anesthesiologist was a miracle worker cause he could take the nausea away almost instantly.  A paediatrician was there in case the baby had problems and she told me not to get upset if the baby didn't cry at first cause she probably wouldn't.  A few minutes later my precious baby came out.  It was at 7:01am on Monday, June 2, 2104 and the first thing I asked is if she was a girl for sure.  And she was!!!  <3  Just like they said, she didn't cry at first.  They took her and she was having a little trouble breathing but she looked good.  She was a whopping 8lbs 2oz and 19.5in long.   They wrapped her up and brought her to me so I could see her and give her a kiss.  They said she would need to go to the NICU right away and she would be put on CPAP. 

I told DH he should go with her, I just wanted to know she wouldn't be alone and she would be okay.   They worked on me then I went to recovery.  It was weird being on that side, im usually not the patient.  I was only there a short time, then I went to my room on the maternity floor.  It seemed like an eternity!!!!!!!! Dh was gone for soooooo long and I didn't have my phone so I had no choice but to wait for him, or some news.  I couldn't walk at all yet as I was still completely numb.  He finally came!!!!!  Turns out he went to get a bite to eat, I wasn't mad though, it was quite the morning!!   He also went and bought baby her first teddy bear <3 He said she looked good and she was in an isolate for now.  My major regret is that there are no photos of that experience.  There wasn't enough time and things were crazy.   Dh took a selfie while waiting to be let into the OR BUT they took our stuff including our phones so when the time came to take pics we had no camera or phone :(  our belongings ended up in our room.   I did receive an update, baby was doing well and would be off CPAP later today!!

My mom and sister showed up not to long after that and we sat in my room for what felt like forever.  I started to get feeling in my legs and I was super anxious to go see the baby.  When the nurses approved, I was finally able to go see her.  Standing for the first time was weird.  It was like a horror movie, the second I gained my footing a huge gush of blood came our and splattered all over the floor, It was scary, it was like concentrated red scary blood.  After getting cleaned up my mom, sister and dh pushed me down to the NICU. We got to see and hold and take pics of her <3 <3 By the time we went down, she was off the machines and only had an IV.  they told us she was having some blood sugar issues so would be on IV until it resolved.  Here is some of her first pics:

We went back to my room and my mom left shortly after.  I started to experience more pain as my anesthesia wore off.  They did bring the baby to my room, and said I could try nursing later that night.  The boys and my dad came to visit.

The next 3 days are a blur, they brought the baby to me every 3 hours to try and feed, they felt it was more comfortable then going down to the NICU which it was.  We had visitors on and off but I was alone most of the time.  Dh still had to go to work as he started a new job recently, he missed one day.

We finally decided on a name, we called her Shanley Marie Joan.  Marie was Dhs grandma and Joan was my grandma.  Shanley had absolutely no complication from the large amount of meconium in her sac and we were so grateful for this.  She did however continue to have blood sugar problems.  I was also having milk supply issues and my milk wouldn't come in despite feeding every 3 hours.  I was discharged from hospital on Wednesday but Shanley had to stay.   Her blood sugar continued to go up and down for days.  So for days and days I traveled to and from hospital to feed her.  We lived close enough that I could do this but it was tiring plus I was still recovering from surgery.  The weekend came and they had no plans to let her come home :(  it was sad and hard and I got super exhausted.  FINALLY on Sunday we got to take this precious girl home!

So that's the story of baby girl <3  Here is one last pic set, this is her newborn shoot photos which we had done almost as soon as she was out of the hospital <3

 

 

My final weeks of pregnancy

After my last pregnancy update (week 35) life got super busy.  At 36 weeks we had our co-ed babyshower which was a huge success, the event was amazing!  We got so many wonderful gifts for our babygirl!!  I had an ultrasound to check the position of the baby as my doctor thought she was breech, and turns out she was breech.  Here I am at 36 weeks! I also finished work at the end of 36 weeks.

 

                                                  Here is DH and I the day of the shower!

 

My mom asked me to watch my sister who is 2 years old.  I have to admit I didn't want to as I was feeling big and pregnant at this point. I reluctantly agreed to taking her for a few days and after changing plans my mom wanted me to have her for almost 2 weeks!  As you effing serious!?!?!? Lets just say I was pissed.  Don't get me wrong, I love her and adore my baby sister but I wasn't feeling well. I was always nauseated, I could barely walk in the mornings and I had a shit ton of back and pelvic pain.  I felt my mom was being super selfish, she had no consideration for me, and kinda takes advantage at times.  I had her for several days and we some how got through it all.  My mom was going on a trip so this seemed to be all she cared about, it didn't matter who else was affected! She even wanted to leave 2-3 days early and if she had she would have missed my baby shower and she didn't even care!  UGH okay rant over!  We also did my nieces bday party at my house that Sunday!

The weekend that I was 37 weeks we had Kamdens 4th birthday party.  We totally did a McDonalds party.  I know all the crazy moms out there would judge me for this.  I can just hear it now... "you shouldn't feed your kids McDonalds" etc etc.  Well I did and I don't regret it lmao.  I was very pregnant, I wasn't up for the planning and cleaning that a big party takes!  This option was perfect, and lets face it, every kid should have at least 1 mcD's party.  The party was nice, the kids had a great time.  My mom returned from her trip the day of the party (Sunday) and took my sister home with her then.  So over the course of 2 weeks I had "someone" at my house constantly weather it be party guest or family.   When everyone left I finally got to kick back and relax in the quietness of home.  The doctor did plan to do another ultrasound to re-check the babys position.  Here is me at 37 weeks!

The weekend I turned 38 weeks we hung around home mostly.  We took Kamden out for his choice of bday dinner on his actual bday, he chose pizza hut!  My dh went to Toronto on the Saturday to visit his family.  I was kinda upset by this as I wasn't feeling to well AND I was so pregnant that it didn't seem like a good time to go.  While he was there I told him I didn't feel right and he should come home as soon as he can!  So he did and he was mad that I appeared fine LMAO.  Sunday during the day was another slow lazy day.  My husband washed his car and I sat out on the front porch.  We tried to discuss what we should name our baby girl but we still hadn't decided. I put together some baby items and brought out the baby swing.  Dh asked me why I was doing all that right now, we still had 2 weeks before we would expect the baby.  Little did any of us know that I would have my little girl only a few hours later...

35 weeks pregnant

Today I am 35 weeks pregnant, I cant believe the journey this has been.  It's so hard to believe that I will have a tiny girl in less then 5 weeks!

This weeks symptoms:
-back pain
-hip pain
-pain with rolling in bed or getting out of bed
-heartburn
-less baby movements
-fatigue
-mild swelling in legs/feet

I have an appointment this week and I'm guessing that ill get the good ol strep B test (not!) and maybe ill find out if another u/s is in store.  This doctor tends to give a late term u/s to determine position so I'm looking forward to this possibility!

This weekend is our co-ed baby shower, so we are pretty excited about this!  One last party before our little one arrives! 

Bubszer and I were rubbing lotion on my belly and I asked him if he was ready for his sister to come soon.  He proceeded to say he was and that baby was going to come out of my "wiener".  Lol of coarse I had to laugh at this.   I know my son knows women do not have penis's and im sure this is just a term he uses for someone's private parts.  I was also amazed that he knew this much about child birth.  So apparently this baby is going to come right on out and we are gonna wrap her up in a blanket and live happily ever after lol. 

Here is bubs and I at 34weeks!

HAPPY BREASTFEEDING WEEK! Now that the week is over i felt it was time for a themed giveaway!!!  My FB and YT has been flooded with BF awareness and it warms my heart!  so start my watching my video

The giveaway is for a hand crochet boobie beanie!

All  you have to do is subscribe to my channel and comment!

I also said you can get an extra vote by liking my fb crochet page! Look up BabyDesigns by Juels on FB to find it

A winner will be chosen on August 14, 2013!

REVIEWS: Pre-seed and Softcups!

As always i MUST talk about some new TTC products that Ive been using!  This week Ive chosen the Instead Soft Cups and Pre-seed

Where to buy these Products
I bought both of these products with a credit card via the Early-Pregnancy-Test website. I chose this site in particular because I have purchased other products from them and have come to love/trust the site.  There are many other places you can get both products such as amazon, etc... Your local adult store might even have the pre-seed!

Costs
I bought these two products in the same shipment.   Right now on early-pregnancy-tests.com you can get the pre-seed with applicators with 2 free pregnancy tests!  Thats what i chose and this deal can be found here. Shipping is free on orders over $14.99 and $2.99 for orders otherwise.

Soft-cups (6pack)- $6.99
Pre-seed w/ 9 applicators and 2 free pregnancy tests - $19.99
Pre-seed - $19.99

Since i bought both items my shipping was free!  The total cost i paid was $28.49


What you receive
My package took about a week to get here.  I am in Canada and this order is from a USA company.  International orders take longer due to customs etc. When i received my package it was in a plain brown box with discrete labeling (the return address simple says "Online Store").

Inside was 1 order of pre-seed, 1 order of soft-cups 6pack, 2 pregnancy tests,  an instruction sheet on the hcg tests, brochures: on other fertility products, receipt/summary of order, and a special gift: a cute collectors tattoo {apparently they come out with a new one on a monthly basis}

Pre-seed

Oh what can I say about this product :) I think a smily face suits!  As the label states "Seriously fun babymaking".

Details on Pre-seed

For those who don't know Pre-seed as a personal lubricant that is safe for use when trying to conceive.  It has an Isotonic properties which match that of fertile CM.  The pack comes with a 1.4oz tube of the products and 9 disposable applicators.  The applicators themselves have number notches so that you can chose your own amounts.  Pre-seed aids in the transfer of sperm to the cervix and into the uterus. Pre-seed can be especially helpful to women who experience more dryness then others or who do not have good quality CM however anyone can use it.

[lol blogger messed my pic up and i cant fix it]

Using the product
Lets be honest, theres nothing more awkward then getting in the BD mood then suddenly stop and be like "Just wait hunny i need to pull out the lube!" which is why i strongly suggest having the applicator drawn up and ready to go.  However! Please read all directions prior to use.   They clearly state that the product must be used within 30 mins of being drawn up!  So heres some simple steps

1) Clean hands!
2) The applicator will connect to the tube and may be turned into place
3) Draw up disired amount of pre-seed using the numbers provided
4) Insert applicator into the vagina and slowly deposit pre-seed
5) BD!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Findings
The product was easy to use with little mess.  I did have one mishap where i accidentally pushed the applicator before i had it "in" which was unfortunate for my bed sheets.   The product made BDing very FUN {i lack the words to accurately describe this feeling without sounding like a total perv} LMAO  This is my first cycle using pre-seed so I can not say if this helped with conception or not but there are some rave reviews over at the early-pregnancy-tests.com website

SOFT CUPS

Details on the product
Soft Cups was originally designed as an alternative to tampons and pads for menstrual bleeding and you can find more on the use of softcups for periods right here. The pack I got had 6 soft cups which come individually wrapped. Each cups is individually wrapped, disposible, flexible, and body friendly.  In the use of TTC softcups is inserted into the vagina and sits over the cervix after intercourse and hold the sperm close!  It can be worn for up to 12 hours at a time.

Using Softcups
When i first do this product i was scared by the size and texture of the softcup.  It looks HUGE and i couldnt fathom putting that in.  When it came time to use the softcup i was extremely surprised but the results.   It actually went it super easy and i felt nothing.   Once inside softcups can not be felt at all.  Here are some simple steps

*wash your hand and easiest if your sitting upright with legs apart*
1) Squeeze the opposite sided of the ring together
2) Insert into the vagina in a back and down direction
3) The cup mold to the individuals shape and should sit right behind the public bone
4) to remove just hook your finger under the rim and pull out slowly {i find this easier to do if you bare down slightly}

I also must note that the softcup was super easily inserted with the use of pre-seed! The extra lubrication makes for a more slippery environment!

Findings
Super easy to put in and take out.  I could walk around and not worry about the "sperm" coming out.  When i took the soft cup out you will see sperm in the cups (not a pretty sight) so be alert to that.  It can be messy if you don't take the product out slowly and carefully.  Weither or not soft cups worked for me as far as conception is something only time can tell.

To get a better look at what these products look like head over to my Youtube page and a short video is available. 







My final thoughts
I would definitely recommend these products.  They were easy to use and have a good theory behind them and area backed up very well with tons of supporting research

PROS

Pre-seed

• easy to use
• applicators provided
• fun!
• multi-use tube
• similar to CM
• free shipping from ear-pregnancy-tests.com

Softcups

• easy to insert and remove
• clear directions
• unable to feel
• can be worn for 12 hours
• can walk around with it
• individually wrapped
• safe for your body
• can also be used for periods
• inexpensive

CONS

Pre-seed

• tube is small for $19.99
• hard to find in stores
• applicators are wrapped in groups of 3

Softcups

• looks intimidating
• not pleasent looking upon removal
• messy only if not pulled out correctly
• must pay shipping if bought alone

Cons
- i needed the tests prior to the day i got them - however i am international and should have ordered sooner
- no options for package tracking (and if you were a spaz like me you'd probably check every day!
- credit card needed for orders
- must test several times to get a clear picture - this is a con of ALL OPKs not just this sites

STAY TUNED TO SEE IF I BECOME PREGNANT USING THESE PRODUCTS :)

** info taking through my experience using the Early-Pregnancy-Tests.com products via their website and info packages included with the product**

**personal experiences from my own views only and should be seen strictly as personal opinion.  I can not speak for anyone else using these products**

Links

Early-Pregnancy-Tests.com

www.softcup.com

www.preseed.com/

Being a mom... part 2

THE STORY OF BUBS

Ive had many years of practise as a mom, a lot of ups and downs, a lot of learning.  I had gotten my life together and on track multiple times.  I went to school here, there and everywhere, moved, moved back, and had taken my eldest child with me.  Then finally!!!  We moved back to our hometown after years of nursing school, I was awaiting my registration with the College of Nurses. Working, having a summer of fun while Brendan was visiting his dad for the summer.   I distinctly remember the night I met my bf.  It was a May night and my friends wanted to go out on a celebratory evening.  We went out dancing and that's where i first met him.  I told my friend she should talk to him cause he was "cute", she wasn't interested.  He ended up approaching me, we talked, our friendship blossomed from there.   Over the next few months we went from friend, to a relationship, to a break up, to jealous making up.  He would appear when i was almost constantly and made it very hard for me to have fun.  And at the end of the day he did all he could to be in my life.  We did continue to hang out on a regular basis and it was fine.  TBH it was mostly sexual and friendship-like.  We could talk, have fun and hang with each others crowds.  One thing that kept our friendship from being a relationship was distrust.   He lied a lot which caused the early crash and burn of our initial relationship.  He lied about everything down to his age.  I was able to forgive but i wasn't settling for a liar.

The day I found out was pregnant was a Friday - I was packing for a weekend away with my girlfriends.  I was expecting my period that day or the next.  I thought id take a test, just in case since this weekend would include drinking.   I had done this before as precaution but always had BFNs.  I took the test, set it down on the bathroom counter the results were negative.  I continued on with packing, my father was dropping my son off from school at any minute.  When they arrived i immediately though "OH shit that test is laying out, i better hide it" so i went to get it from the bathroom.  TO my shock there were TWO RED lines!  POSITIVE! 

Inside i was freaking out but i had to maintain my composure in the presence of my dad.  After he left Brendan and I went straight to the pharmacy to get a FRER.  I took it...positive.... I had very mixed feelings on this, on one hand i though "OMG I'M PREGNANT {with freak outs}" and on the other hand i was actually EXCITED!  I told one friend right away since i had to cancel our weekend, told my mom who was ELATED by the news, told my older sister.  Needless to say it was hard to keep to myself.  The baby's dad was surprised and wanted his family to raise the baby {HELL NO} but warmed to the idea.  Lastly i told my dad, mostly due to fear.  My entire pregnancy was busy, i was working full time hours as a nurse, buying everything i could.. and NEW.  That's something i never got to do when i had my first son.  We moved into a new home, a very beautiful new 3 bedroom, i had a perfect little boys nursery.  The relationship with baby's dad didn't last long.  After learning i was pregnant i tried with his dad but it was clear i couldn't get past the lies - most recently a lie including another women.  NO WAY in hell was i going to live with that.   End of that story.  He did buy stuff for the baby, he gave money, he even paid for his medical circumcision expenses (which was $700).  All was good until November of that year.  That was the last time we seen him, we would talk on the phone but he was really pushing a relationship.  I stuck my ground and said no, but welcomed him to see his child anytime he wanted.  The last time we heard from him was January of 2011.  He stopped calling, changed his number and that was that.   In a way I'm glad it happened while the baby has no memory of him and when it comes down to it, its his LOSS.  His child id gorgeous and amazing. He is smart and looks a lot like him.  Again his LOSS.

Anyways back to the story of my baby... It was a long awaited pregnancy.  I worked right up to the end, life was actually really good!  Here was me at 39 weeks pregnancy:

One night I was sleeping, had gotten up to pee several times, Brendan was at a friends for the night.  In early morning I felt a hard kick! It woke me but didn't alarm me so i stayed put.  Within a minute i felt water! OMG that's wasn't a kick! i did a hop, skip and a jump to the bathroom.  I sat there as the water continued to flow out, all i could do was sit there half panicking.  I sat and sat, waited for something, a pain....anything..... well i got nothing.  I finally got up, put on new undies, put the old ones in a Ziploc to take to the hospital.  I went downstairs and the walking induced another flow of water.  Did another hop, skip and jump to the downstairs washroom and had another sit down as i called my mom.  I told her what had happened and that i wasn't in pain.  Told her id call her soon.  Did another clean up and went on FB... GOOOD OL FB!   My sister was up early (well with 5 kids she tends to be) so i told her about it all, i posted on my babyzone.com Due Date Club forum and the advise was to go get checked.  Some said maybe i just peed myself (hence why i kept the undies for later testing).  That day happened to be Brendan's first soccer game of the season.  Oh how i didn't want to miss that!!!  I loaded up with some super absorbent ma tress pads and went to the game.  Sat on the ground even!  My dad was there too but i didn't want to tell him what happened.  I KNEW he'd make me leave.   I told him once the game was over, and we went to the hospital.   I told him ill call him later as i might be there for a while.  

The hospital did check me and baby out, i told them i wasn't due for a while yet.  They confirmed it was my water that had broken.  There was NO SIGNS of labour otherwise.  They gave me an option to stay and be admitted or too go home with conditions.  I picked go home, i wasn't ready since it wasn't even my due date yet.  They said i have 24 hours and if no labour i have no choice but to come in for induction.  So i went home, had an amazing last dinner of PIZZA mmmmmm.   Got stuff together for my hospital stay.  My mom had arrived, i cant even count the time she asked me if i was feeling anything yet.  I wasn't.  We stayed up all night talking, my cousin came to join the party.   I got a few hours of sleep {regretfully knowing i shouldn't have stayed up so late}.  We went in about 8am the next day.  I hadn't felt a single contraction or pain, only the occasional water leakage.  The morning went slow and was filled with assessment, paper work etc.  They started fluid and pitocin.  Few more hours passed and NOT A SINGLE PAIN.   It took hours to get it going, i eventually started feeling slight back discomfort around 230pm.   My labour was silent and they couldn't believe how well i was taking it.  I kept saying i had to pee but really i didn't.  I just wanted to sit alone {the induction nurse was there constantly to monitor so i felt crowded}, it was a production to unhook me from everything but i insisted.  When they offered and EPI i said YES PLEASE.   Remembering Brendan's birth, i knew i wanted it.   Once i got the EPI, it was hours of trying to balance it, i was feeling pain at times but eventually they got it sorted out and I was comfortable.  I slept, my mom and cousin went to eat, etc.   We got to a point where they though it was almost pushing time.  Well they were right cause i felt his head and felt him moving down.  Shame on me, i didn't inform the nurse.  I was scared of the pushing stage.   I was busted cause she wanted to do an "exam" to see where we were at.   She had a look of panic and said DO NOT PUSH and WE NEED A DOCTOR, ANY DOCTOR.  My OBs husband was in the hospital so he attended.  I tried to push but I was in no pain and very aware of my surroundings.   Turns out I'm a terrible pusher and my OB had time to arrive.   I remember at one point i was pushing and all eyes were one me.  I burst out laughing..... it was WEIRD having people staring at me, i couldn't help myself.   Around 9pm i finally had him, weighing in at 7lbs 11oz, he was amazing!  He had giant eyes which were looking all over the place in wonder! 

He was finally here!!!  Big brother Brendan came to meet his brother the following day:

And here the trouble maker is today! Oh and he has a nickname to which he is still called: BUBSZER

Bubszer is half native American and half African {Kenyan} - such a cutie!

Being a mom..part 1

"Being a young mom means we met a little early, but I get to love you a little longer. Some people said my life ended when I had a baby, but my life had just begun. You didn't take away from my future you gave me a new one."

Some may have seen this posted on FB, twitter or else where but it is indeed true for me.  Your supposed to also post the age you became a mom.  For me I was 16.

Let me paint you a picture: 15 years old, intelligent {in high school course for the academically inclined}, member of the students council spirit squad, avid participant in school events, slightly rebellious, dark haired, tanned, lovely in many respects and a dancer.   Sure I didn't always do what my parents told me but over all i was a GOOD kid.  Seriously most parents dream of having a child like this. My mom however didn't agree {i bet she's thinking this now that she has a teenager growing up in the 2010's} she tried to put so many restrictions on me - and as a result I didn't tell her stuff, she kinda ruined the bond needed in a teen aged females life.  I can literally count on one hand how many "bad" parties i went to as a teen, however i cant count how many good positive experiences i had (ie. volunteer work, academic related activities, sports etc).  She should have just let me live a little!!!!  It would probably prevented my having a baby at such a young age.   I would never EVER regret having my son however I did miss out on being a kid.  I didn't go to prom, dropped my extra curricular activities but it a larger sense I prepared for the birth of my son.  

I was 15 - his father was 19.   He was NOT the one i lost my virginity too.  We were in a relationship.  He was older and therefor cooler then I was {or so my teen brain though}.  Condoms were used but failed.  I missed 2 periods and didn't notice.  Then i kinda joked about being pregnant but i didn't actually believe it!!!  One night i was feeling mildly nauseous and my mom said "What... are you pregnant?" She was also kidding.  I don't really remember but i think i said something like... "I don't know".   Well she raced to the pharmacy and got a test. She left as i took it.  I sat on the stairs and waited for her to get home.  The test instantly showed no doubt about it results.  It was a shock! A SHOCK! my mom says she wasn't shocked however my dad sure was.  In the coming months i still went to school, still took phys-ed till i couldn't run anymore. I broke up with his dad just before i found out i was pregnant and we did not get back together with him despite his efforts.  I did however talk to him and hang out with him, i allowed him to be part of this baby.  I saved all my money and bought mostly second hand clothes and other baby needs.  When it came time I did have everything i needed for him, i took the classes, i had a plan..sort of....

I still remember his birth almost 10 years ago!  I normally watched my sister and brother while my mom worked nights.  On this particular night she was prepping to leave, it was around 11pm, I had some back discomfort but thought it to be normal back pain related to pregnancy.  I tried to lay down but the discomfort persisted.  I scoured the net for labour symptoms and talked to baby's dad on the phone.  I started to realize that maybe this was labour.  Around 2-3am the pain was getting intense and i had started writing the times down.   I didn't want to call my mom, i thought she would be mad at me for disturbing her at work for false labour.  She must have heard my thoughts cause she called {she didn't normally check in} and i told her i "think" it might be something.   She insisted on coming home anyways, i was relieved.  By the time my mom had a sitter for the kids and we had my stuff loaded into the car the pain was becoming intense.  After intake and assessment it was determined i was 4cm dilated.  The next few hours are a blur, i wanted a non-drug birth so i was in a lot of pain, the nurse made me walk, i began wanting pain meds but it was too late for an epi and all they could offer was a little morphine {it did not a damn thing}.  I was sitting in the bathroom when the nurses deemed me ready to push.  I pushed.... seemed like hours but he was eventually born on the morning of August 13, 2002, 2 days after my due date. He was perfect at 8lbs 3oz and came out screaming!  Back then we didn't have digi cameras and all the photos i have aren't on the computer.  Brendan was nameless for almost 2 weeks! One thing i had hard time with was picking a name for him.  He was in the hospital for almost 2 weeks with sever jaundice.   He spent the first week in an incubator :( i didn't even hold him much.   I would sit in the NICU and look at him, i was allowed to put my hand in to touch him.  

Here's an olden day web cam pic of him approx 1-2wks old:

Him when he was a toddler

And finally here is is today at the ripe old age of 9.8

They really truly grow up fast.  Ive learned a lot through having him so early and wouldn't change a thing.  His looks like his dad, he loves lego and can be very troublesome as his aged suggests.  His dad isn't a big part of his life and they see each a few times a year.  His dad doesn't make an effort to call and when he does visit i have to take him and pick him up.   He does see his grandparent on his dads side and they adore him but the visits are few.   His dad doesn't help much and there is court ordered child support however i rarely receive it.  Some would say...at least he sees/knows his dad at all... at the same time it can be very unfair to Brendan.   Brendan is very close to my dad and "papa" is the biggest male influence he has had in his life.   Overall id say he is a happy child none the less.   One other notable quality is that he has some pretty severe learning disabilities, you'd never know by talking/looking at him.  He is dyslexic and has trouble with reading and writing at his own grade level.  We work hard on this.  I can hardly believe that this year i will have a 10 year old!  My baby will be a whole decade old!! Such a milestone!!!!